Tuesday, August 30, 2016


It's been quite a process but today I brought home the last of the boxes from our old home. While there I had to take a moment to reflect in one of the most important rooms in that house. The room that was originally going to be for Genesis. It's empty. Not a single thing left. Just the mural I painted for her. For my future rainbows. 

I had to just sit there and take it all in. A flashback if you will, of the history in that room. I can feel it. After all, I did live here 11 years. 

Every brushstroke had so much emotion. Each told a story that will always be contained in these walls.

A story of how we had an extra room we thought would be great for a baby one day. How we got pregnant and started to plan the nursery. How in the middle of getting it ready she died. How I came home with empty arms and a half finished nursery that wouldn't be used for her. How I convinced myself that I would be a mother to a living child one day and insisted on finishing the nursery. How I finished the nursery and I still was hoping for a rainbow. How I got pregnant with my first rainbow only for my then husband to leave me and never look back.  How I used this room for my first rainbow once he safely made it earth side. How I grew strong from being a single mom. How I decided to have another child on my own. How I was empowered as a single mother of two rainbows. How I eventually got remarried. How I got pregnant again but a day or so later experienced another loss. How I was blessed again to raise another two rainbows in that room. 

This room has held 4 miraculous children. It has seen countless tears, it has been there through the nights of sick kids, it's heard so many prayers, has witnessed laughter, joy and miracles. Blanket forts, fairy lights, glow in the dark stars, bedtime stories, lullabies, diaper changes and lots and lots of imagination.

The same room that I poured my hopes and dreams into, held my babies as they slept and dreamt. 

It's so cery hard to say goodbye. To leave. I don't anticipate going back again... And if I ever did, I doubt this mural will still be there. So today I say goodbye to this chapter. I will never forget. 


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