Saturday, August 20, 2016

I'm not ready

Im sitting in the kids room sort of in awe that this won't be our home in just a couple of days. This room specifically is going to be hard to leave behind. It has so much history. So much love. It holds a story. The story of how I moved in here married to my first husband. The story of us trying to get pregnant and setting up the nursery for our future child. The story of how we never got to finish the nursery because Genesis heart stopped. The story that I continued to finish the nursery because I vowed I'd be a mother to a living child some day. And how while I worked so hard to paint the mural of the weeping willow with the koi pond surrounded with dragonflies... My daughter sat in her urn in a drawer in this very room. The story of how I had not one or two.... But four beautiful rainbow babies to eventually use this nursery. And those babies grew and two of them are so big I can't even believe they are the same babies. And now that we are leaving this room.... This house, I'm now married to someone else and now a mother to 6 (4 here and 2 in paradise)... Our story is in these walls. Eventually someone will put a fresh coat of paint over this mural... But each and every brush stroke was filled with so many emotions. Hope, happiness, heartbreak, faith, fulfillment, longing, grief and gratefulness. I can't help but feel I'm leaving a piece of my heart here. I'm not ready to say goodbye.

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