Tuesday, October 20, 2015

A dream within my grasp

As the big day gets closer and closer I'm getting all my things ready for N's big appearance. 

As I was packing my hospital bag I packed N's coming home outfit. Complete with rainbow blanket. Seeing it there made me so emotional.

I cannot tell you what seeing this means to me. What it represents. 

It wasn't until after G was born that I saw those cute hospital hats can come with a bow for a little girl. I immediately bought one in the hopes that one day I would have another little girl to wear that. That's what you call faith. I had no idea if that wish would ever come true. It's been what feels like a lifetime, but in reality about 8 1/2 years, that I have wanted to be able to say that I have "daughters" without people looking at me like in crazy because I'm counting the ones that aren't here. I have felt robbed these last few years knowing that I should be raising daughters and I am not. I have dreamt what "daughters" playing with each other and raising them would feel like. It once felt like a dream just beyond my reach... So close in my minds eye but always unattainable.

Until now. I'm weeks... Not even months... Just weeks... Or as my dr put it "40 some days" away from this dream becoming a reality and I can hardly believe it. 

The little outfit N is going to wear is covered in pink dragonflies. That way Genesis will be there in spirit for her littlest sister. I'm just moved to tears.
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