Tuesday, June 30, 2015

A sigh of relief and remembering Exodus

Today I had an OB appointment. And just like last time, my doctor could not find the heartbeat on the doppler and had to do an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. I always do my own doppler at home before every appointment so that I don't stress for nothing when something like this happens. So I knew everything was ok, plus I felt her kicking earlier this morning.

I got these lovely photos and confirmed everything was fine. N is measuring right on track. The doctor did mention that she is currently laying traverse aka on her side. If she is laying like this upon delivery it will mean a c section. However we still have many months to go and its unlikely that she will not move over the course of the next few months. So here is hoping she does move by November. 

In other news, I got the results of the AFP or second trimester screening back today. It came back negative which means there is a very low risk that any NTD (neural tube defect) has occurred. So we can breathe a big sigh of relief knowing she didn't get Anencephaly like Genesis. It sucks that I have to go half way through a pregnancy before I know if this baby will live or die from this condition. Of course even with this great news I still worry that something else may happen, but I do feel a little bit more comfortable at this point assuming that she is more likely to come home with us.

In random pregnancy related stuff: There have been quite a few times where I have felt this baby kick and move and my first thought is that its Genesis. I have no idea why this is happening. And I quickly correct myself and say no, this is N. This never happened with any of the other rainbows even G my only other girl rainbow. I have always felt that N and Genesis were connected somehow. Im not sure how. Maybe because Genesis is the first and N will be our last. There is a feeling of coming full circle. Im just speculating but I honestly have no idea. 

I also wanted to share that Ive been thinking more and more about Exodus. Again, I'm not sure why. But it brought tears to my eyes more than once in the last few days. Im sure the pregnancy hormones do not help.

I recently ordered my first photo from Carly that included Exodus. Its one of my favorites.

I also have been ordering sculptures from Dana at The Midnight Orange for a few years now. She has been able to make important family sculptures for me through the years. And as my family has changed and grown, so have the sculptures. I am thrilled to be able to share with you the final installment of my family sculpture.
We have of course Marlon and I on each end. Then in the middle we have our 4 rainbows, D, G, D2 and N. (of course I thought it might be a little premature to get this since N isn't here yet and what if something happens.... but I went ahead and ordered it anyway)Then on my lap is Genesis and on Marlon's lap is Exodus. 

The rainbows saw this sculpture and thought it was beautiful. They started naming each person in the sculpture and then they came to the extra baby. They wanted to know who that was. And for the first time I explained it to them. I had to explain it to them in a way that children would understand. I mean one day they will know what a miscarriage is but for now I will need to make it simple for them. So I simply told them that before D2 was in my belly there was another baby. This baby was only here for a very very short time. When a baby starts growing in a mommy's tummy it starts out as a little seed that grows into a baby with arms and legs and then gets bigger and bigger until its born. But with this baby it only stayed as a seen and died before it could grow. She was different than Genesis because Genesis was bigger and I got to hold her and we have a photo of her. But with baby we don't have any of that because she died so little. I told them this was a baby girl, and her name was Exodus. The first thing they asked was if they will see Exodus in the new system with Genesis. I said they probably will. And they were fine with that and then continued playing. The other day D came up to me and told me we have a family of 8 and included Exodus. That made me smile. But I won't be upset if they don't mention Exodus. Im still struggling with my feelings on this. 


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