Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The fears of a BLM

The fear and anxiety a BLM has with a rainbow pregnancy doesn't go away after you have your first rainbow. Or second. Or third. Or in my case, forth.

I think I may be more nervous now than ever before. I am feeling some very light flutters here and there. Nothing consistent. Thank goodness for my Doppler. I use it every few days to calm my nerves that baby is ok.

But I'm still worried something is wrong. And I know the classic line "every pregnancy is different"... Trust me, having been pregnant this many times I know. But I'm still worried. 

I tend to show pretty early with my pregnancies. By 19 weeks most people are saying things like "oh you must be due any day now." I'm nervous because I'm 14 weeks now and I'm hardly showing. I've gained more weight that is like to admit, so I know things are progressing. But Im in that weird stage where you look chubby not pregnant. I think maybe with this one I am carrying differ my. With the last 3 rainbows I carried them like basketballs. Just really round balls right in front. It was oy with Genesis that I seemed to carry more side to side. I'm thinking perhaps that's what's happening this time too. It's still a bit early to know for sure. I also think I'm carrying more internally. Like instead of crowing outward and giving me that ball shape, I feel maybe baby might be more inside, if that makes sense. But of course being the worrier I am, I worry it's some sort of growth restriction or low amniotic fluid or something. At my past ultrasounds I was told everything looks good. I'm not so sure. And even using my Doppler is different this time. The heartbeat is found way down low near my pubic bone. I have no idea if this is all normal for a 5th pregnancy. But it's definitely making me worry. 

The above photo is a picture of my belly how. The photo below is from my wedding and I was 13 weeks pregnant. 
As you can see I was much bigger at my wedding than I am now, even though I'm further along now. 


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