Friday, October 3, 2014

Capture Your Grief: Day 3

Before 

Day 3: Before 
#captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart 

I hardly remember who I was before Genesis died. I honestly couldn't find a whole lot of pictures because times were a bit different then. I didn't have a cell phone with a camera. Selfies weren't a thing yet. These photos were taken with actual camera with film that has to be developed. 

I see this girl in the photos and aside from wishing I was that skinny again, I see someone so happy. So carefree. There is nothing but pure joy behind those eyes. I was oblivious and naive to the fact that babies die. They teach you in school that if you have sex you get pregnant and have a baby. Period. Boy do I know better now. 

I didn't really life children a second thought in my life. It wasn't until I got married that I really started to think about it. I figured let's have two, a boy and a girl, and we are done... Because, well that's what people do. Not because it was in my heart. When Genesis died it changed everything. I felt it in my soul. I never knew how badly I wanted it until it was taken away. 

The girl in these photos died when Genesis died. And although on the calendar it tells me it was 7 years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 3 days... It feels like an eternity ago. My soul has aged and is ancient inside. 

This girl didn't have a clue as to what mattered in life or what life was about. She didn't see beauty or miracles in things. She simply lived a life for herself. 

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