Thursday, October 23, 2014

Capture Your Grief: Day 24

Forgiveness 

This is something I could probably do better with. It really is a double edge sword. 

To have lost a husband and a daughter within a 5 month window almost killed me.i think it would have been easier if he had died... Then when he left I knew didn't have a choice. But, he actually chose to leave me. It was the end of my world at that time.  My rainbow baby literally saved my life. 

I'll share bits of my story but please do not feel sorry for me. He left me during a time that I feared losing yet another baby. He gave no reason. He never looked back. I ended up losing my job because of the company going under and he stole every last dime I had in my savings account. He broke into my home and stole belongings. If it wasn't for my parents I would have been homeless. He never went to one doctor appointment. He never answered the phone when I called to tell him the baby was born. Never paid any child support or gave me any items for the baby, not so much as a diaper. As a matter of fact he has never met MY son... He's 6 1/2 now. Of course he got another woman pregnant right after my son was born and of course they were blessed with a healthy baby girl. He dragged our divorce for over 5 years and threatened me countless times that he would take my son away from me... Cuz that's the kind of guy he is. To say he hurt me would be an understatement. I cannot begin to tell you the anger I feel. 

HOWEVER had none of that happened I wouldn't have met my current husband. So this is why it's a double edge sword. I hate my ex for having put me through it but at the same time I thank him for doing it because it was a huge blessing in disguise. Do I forgive him? No. I can't say that I do. But I have found peace through it all.

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