Friday, September 6, 2013

Losing another little piece of her

As the rainbows are growing up, there really is no need for a lot of the baby gear I used to have. Granted I will be keeping much of it for rainbow #3, but I just can't keep everything. Many of the baby things they used were bought for Genesis. Both rainbows used her carseat and stroller which I plan to use for rainbow #3 if it has not expired yet (still have to check). I still have the ottoman and rocking chair I bought for her and used it to nurse and put the previous rainbows to sleep. Ill still hang on to that for just a bit more. But through having two rainbows there is a piece of furniture that I noticed I really do not need as we are a co-sleeping family. Yup, the crib. 

I bought this crib while I was pregnant with Genesis, though we lost her before I could even put it together. After she died and before I got pregnant with my first rainbow, I was determined to finish the nursery. Which included putting up the changing table, painting the mural and putting together the crib. Some may have thought, and still may think, that I was crazy for doing that. After all I didn't have a child nor was I pregnant with one that would use that room. I don't know how else to put it except that I had to do it. It kept me sane. This was a way of me proving to the world and to myself that I was a mother and that I will be one in the future to a living child. Shortly thereafter I got pregnant with my first rainbow D and I made sure that his room was all set, ready to go for a baby boy. Still using many of the things I bought for Genesis since I bought lots of yellows and greens. Here is a photo of his crib all set up when he was little:
Though it was all set up perfectly and beautifully, through the process of learning as a new parent I found out quickly that we weren't going to use it that much. Still I hung on to it to use for when G, rainbow #2, arrived. Again still not much use. Now I had both rainbows in bed with me, which was awesome to have snuggles all night long but there came a time where D was just too big now. So I converted the crib into his toddler bed:
I can tell you he got a lot more use out of the toddler bed than the crib. He used this for a good while. But now the time has come where D is just getting too big and we had to get him a twin size bed. Plus with the new rainbow on the way we had to make more room for yet another child. So with much regret and flooding memories, I took this bed apart the other day and put it back in the box it came in. Yes, I held on to it for 6 years. So much love and hope went into putting it together, and now taking it apart after surviving so much. I almost cant believe it. Reality hit today as I placed the add on craigslist to sell it. Its now gone from the room that I painted for my kids. A new bed in its place. I know I cant keep it, its just not practical and we don't have the space and I know that we wont be using a crib in the future...But it still hits a little bit of a nerve losing part of her history. I hope it goes to a good home. 

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