Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The countdown begins

This little mark will tell so much
Yesterday I went in for my blood draw for the AFP (alpha fetoprotein) test. Yes, this is the BIG test for me. This is the test I took 8 years ago that told me something was wrong with Genesis. Every pregnancy since then, I have held my breath as I take this test and anxiously await the outcome.

So the countdown to the results has begun. It takes about 10 days. I should hear something by next Thursday the 8th. God I hope it good. 

As I sat in the waiting room my mind wandered a bit. I was sitting in the same waiting room in the same lab I was 8 years ago. I got called into the same room, sat in the same chair, looked out the same window... that I did 8 years ago when I was pregnant with Genesis. As I sat there getting my blood drawn once again I flashed back to 8 years ago. Back then there was a lady who was drawing my blood, I can see her face clearly. As she was drawing my blood she looks me in the eyes and says: 

"No matter the result of this test, you are blessed to have this baby." 

I nodded my head in agreement not knowing what she was talking about. I was so naive. Looking back I just know it was some sort of sign or omen of what was to come. I should have paid closer attention. Those words echoed in my head as I sat there getting my blood drawn for my 3rd rainbow. As I waited in the elevator, I heard Nora Jones softly playing in the background. I was the only one in there. I held on to the railings wondering if my world was going to shatter again in 10 days. I walked back to the car to Marlon who was waiting for me with the kids. I really don't know what happened but I was overcome with emotion and I just started crying. This test is a big big deal. It will tell me if my child will die of the same condition Genesis did. I have faith everything will be ok but I am not naive enough anymore to know that it will be ok. My emotions surprised me. 

On the car ride home I looked down at my bag. The bag I had bought for Genesis as her diaper bag. And I really took note of the design. I had bought it before because it had babies but taking a closer look at it I know you see what I see.

Not just babies, ANGEL babies. All OF THEM. And RAINBOWS. Seriously. And you might notice something familiar. See this:

Yes this little bird and girl reminds me of Genesis. I got the bird tattooed on me with her memorial tattoo.


Shauna said...

((HUGS)) Fingers crossed and thinking of you that the results will all come back normal <3

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