That's where I am. You know how in a tornado its crazy and insane along the edges. Then you have the calm inside the actual tornado. And when it passes over, you encounter the craziness again. Well that is where I am emotionally. I was very emotional in the last few days. Today I am calm, I think. And I anticipate tomorrow being the last of the storm passing over me. We shall see because even my own emotions have confused me at times.
I logged into instagram and saw this:
My brother gets me. He totally does. And his love for Genesis is just as strong as the love he has for my rainbows. Seeing this brought a tear to my eyes. I cant believe that in less than 24 hours it will have been 6 years. My God. SIX. YEARS. Sigh.
Perhaps I am a glutton for punishment. Im reading my brothers caption over and over and it brings tears to my eyes. "it breaks me down to have lost a life at the very beginning..." That part.. yea, makes me sad. Its so so true.
I called last week to order her flowers. Gerber daisies of course. I found myself choking up when I was placing the order. But I am really thrilled that everyone and I mean everyone is going to make it to the little event I have planned for tomorrow. My mom, dad, brother, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, D & G and of course Marlon. It's something small but loving. Leaving her flowers and doing a balloon release. We are all going out to eat as a family afterwards. Then in the early evening, I hope to do something special to remember the exact time she was born. Sigh. Im feeling it making my chest tighter. My heart longs to have her here with me so so bad right now. Just to give her one more kiss.