Thursday, October 4, 2012

Capture Your Grief: Days 1-4

I know I am late with this but with all I have going on lately Im sure you understand why. Carly has come up with another fantastic way to share our experience as a BLM with this project called Capture Your Grief for the month of October in observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month.

So lets get started.

Day 1: Sunrise
Being in SoCal we have awesome weather. Awesome weather usually means clear skies and I usually long for cloudy skies as they make for gorgeous sunrises and sunsets. When we do have them I go picture crazy. In this photo I captured the sunrise in a not so typical way. I love how the photo came out. At any rate, after becoming a BLM I have found that now I find beauty in nature and in all the small things. I really don't take things for granted now.

I had to come back to this post and include the two photos below. These are probably the most awe-inspiring sunrises I have ever seen in my life. Like something straight out of a movie or painting. Unreal almost. Seeing these sunrises on separate occasions stopped me dead in my tracks. Left my jaw hanging open. Gasping in admiration. I could not stop taking pictures. I could almost hear the music in the sunrise just as in the movie City Of Angeles. Simply amazing.

Day 2: Before Loss Self Portrait
This Tiffany was happy and care free, enjoying life. No worries. Oblivious and naive to what happens in the world. She was youthful and full of life. Eagerly awaiting the future. So full of hope and wonder. I still had that sparkle in my eye that my mother had always told me she saw in me even as a child. 

Day 3: After Loss Self Portrait
This was the first photo I took after Genesis died. It was only a matter of weeks after I said goodbye. I saw a baby girl that evening and shortly after this photo I burst into tears. The sparkle in my eye is no longer there. I feel my youth drained. In place is an older me even though this photo was only about 3 years after this first. And when I say an older me, I don't mean physically. I mean life experience-wise. There is a saying "don't judge the bereaved mother, for she is ancient inside..." That is exactly how I feel. Losing Genesis drained the life right out of me. I was no longer naive. In fact, I knew too much.

Day 4: Treasured Item
This is the only set of Genesis' footprints. The only physical thing she left behind. I so wish I got her handprints too. Along with my treasured items is the one photo I have of her. For privacy reasons I am not posting that here, but you can see a portion of that on the banner of this blog where her precious little feet are. And last but not least, I treasure the urn with her last physical remains. This is the only way she is physically with me.


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