Day 16: Release
I find release, figurative and literal, in doing balloon releases. I get these pretty balloons for my darling Genesis. I do something special for her. Something I think she would like. Something I like too. I hold on tight to these balloons.. sort of like the last time I held her. I held on tight, even though I knew I would eventually have to let go. I had to work up the strength to decide when it was time to let go. I had to brace myself. Then as I release the balloons... as I put her down and walked away for the last time, I knew there was no going back. The balloons already sail off into the sky. You can't undo letting them go. There is no way a balloon will float back down to you. Off it goes. Same as when I walked away from her tiny body, I knew there was no going back. I longed to just run back to her, but I couldn't. I knew once I walked out those doors I would never see her again. I will never see those balloons again. They will eventually float high up into the heavens and disappear.
But not all is sadness with a release. Its also about letting go. Not of her, but of the pain. Lifting a weight. Being able to breath. And once you can do all that, then you can enjoy the beauty of watching these beautiful pink and purple balloons dance in the breeze, just sailing through the clouds and into the heavens. It is very therapeutic and so symbolic.
I also find a huge release in this blog and being able to speak freely about my feelings and document anything Genesis related.