Friday, August 3, 2012

An emotional night

Last night was rough. It literally hit me out of nowhere. I really don't know what triggered it. It just hit me like a freight train. I had not cried bawled like that in a very long time. So long in fact, that I didn't think I was capable of going back to that state again. I was just sobbing. Uncontrollably. For hours. I was reliving it all. And asking what I always ask.... Why. I miss her so much. That's an understatement.

I really wanted Mr. M to be there with me but he was unable to come. He was however on the phone with me and allowed me to cry on the phone with him. He provided as much comfort, sympathy and understanding as one can from the outside looking in. He never ceases to amaze me. There was a moment where I said that I really wish he were there with me. His reply was that if he were there with me he would totally be crying with me. That touched my heart more than I could put into words. He is a beautiful soul. For a man to cry with me over my lost daughter. A daughter that was not his. A man that is not a baby loss parent or even a parent at all. A man that never even met her... this is beyond amazing to me. Im so so grateful.

Today Im feeling much better... had a bit of a cry hangover but doing ok. Guess a good cry can come out of the blue even 5 years later. It probably won't be the last either.


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