Saturday, June 16, 2012

Unexpected triggers

I had two instances occur recently where I was caught off guard with something someone either asked or something that I saw that brought back those memories.

First, I recently went to go see the movie Prometheus. Did I think this would make me think of Genesis? Never in a million years. Was it a huge trigger? No, but it made me think of her. {movie spoiler so please if you want to see the movie, stop reading} There was a scene were a lady was pregnant with an alien. Newly pregnant. I mean she had just been intimate 10 hours before and she was already 3 months pregnant... you know, I guess that happens when you get pregnant with an alien. Anyway, she was panicking to get it out of her and she gets in this machine that performs the surgery and this claw (much like you see in one of those claw machines to grab stuffed animals) goes in her abdomen and pulls out the alien baby. As it pulls it out, it is clearly still attached to her by means of the umbilical chord. The cord was very thin and because the lady wanted it out of her so bad, she actually ripped the chord with her own hands detach from this thing. That instantly made me flashback to when Genesis was born. The umbilical chord looked just like that. Very thin and whitish. You know, being that I was just over 5 months pregnant, it wasn't very big yet. As Genesis was born, and she slipped out of my body... there was no need to cut the chord as it was so very delicate that it tore on its own. Her ripping the chord brought that all back.

Then yesterday I followed up with the new preschool to see if D got it. (I have yet to know) As I was going through an interview they asked me developmental questions about him. One question that caught me off guard was what number child was he. I had never been asked this by a school. I really don't see what difference it makes. Anyway, that question totally took me by such surprise I swear I had sort of paused for what seemed like an eternity. I really didn't know how to answer it. A million thoughts went through my mind at that moment...but for simplicities sake, I finally said he was the first. I don't know if they lady noticed my hesitation... probably not. But questions like that really need to be omitted.

Lastly, I went to a new doctor recently and they were asking about my reproductive health and getting information on my history. Of course they asked how many pregnancies have you had. How many live births. And then of course when they see my numbers don't add up they ask if I have had any miscarriages. I answer no and usually that is the end of the questioning. But this time they went as far as asking if I had any terminations. I simply replied that my first daughter was stillborn. They made a note of it and then later on in the questioning they said "other than the stillborn, were your pregnancies normal and without complication?" I guess I understand that question, but what it implies to me is that "the stillborn" didn't matter. They didn't even ask why she was stillborn. As a doctor getting my medical and reproductive history isn't that a relevant question? And I didn't even get asked when this happened or not even a "sorry for your loss". Sigh.

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