Monday, June 4, 2012

Now he has met all my kids

Im a bit late with this post but better late than never.

So two weekends ago I took Mr. M to the park. Yes that park. Garfield Park. Where Genesis' stone is at. He had no idea I was taking him there. It was really spur of the moment and it was at night so he couldn't really see the beauty of the memorial garden. And to add to that, for some reason the lights that are usually on at night to light the path were not on. Regardless though, he was able to see her stone. He used his cell phone to light up her stone and get a good look at it.

He was touched that I brought him there. On the drive home he even said "now Ive met all your kids..." Wow. This sort of took me by surprise that he saw it like that. I mean, he was completely right. This was the only way of "meeting" her. I am just in awe of how he is there for me regarding Genesis and how he keeps her memory alive. We have talked about Genesis many times and some times its easier for me to talk about it than others. Ive told him this too. Sometimes I can speak of her with a smile on my face. And other times I can't help but cry.

The last time I spoke of her with him I cried. He asked if I was full term with her when she was born. I told him no, I wasn't. I was about 5 1/2 months. He knew she had a condition that was not compatible with life but doesnt know exactly what it was. We were talking about when women have ultrasounds and the big 20 week one was the topic of conversation and I told him that was the ultrasound where we were told the bad news. I went in all excited to know weather we were having a boy or a girl and instead we were told "we are sorry but your baby isnt going to live." He then asked what options were given to me... you know. Induce or continue on. So I told him the story of that and how I felt I was pressured to make a decision right then and there which was not fair at all to me because I was still in a state of shock and honestly... why couldn't I have had a day or two to think about it? I mean the end result was still going to be the same. So needless to say I sort of broke down while I was sharing my story. He was still very supportive, holding my hand and offering me a tissue. Then I apologized for crying and told me there was no reason for me to apologize. I told I'm I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable... because we all know how people on the outside like to make this about them. He told me he thought that was ridiculous that people make it about them and that I in no way make him feel uncomfortable. I seriously still can't believe I found someone like him. He is absolutely amazing.

So our relationship is going fantastic. Im the happiest I think Ive ever been. And though our relationship is still a bit new, it is quite serious. Not to be confused with moving fast. Having said that we have had many a conversation about the future. About my current rainbows, about future kids and if something were to happen to either him or I. In one of these conversations the scenario came up that if we were married and we had children of our own and something happened to me what would come of the kids. Naturally Id want to make sure they are taken care of and I was curious as to what sort of plans he had envisioned as well as me letting him know what my wishes would be. Just when I thought the topic was done he then brought up Genesis. He told me that he would still go visit her stone with the kids and make sure that she was never forgotten and that her siblings would always be told about her. I was speechless. But that wasn't all. He then said that if something happened to me he thinks that Genesis and I should be together... like her ashes should be with me. This is actually a wish of mine to be carried out if something should happen to me. I had never told anyone that. And the fact that he mentioned it just blew my mind. After he said those things I just started crying. I have found an amazing man who gets it. Who gets it as best as anyone can get it who has not been through it personally. I am truly blessed.

Also I had previously told him about October 15th and the walks that take place in October and he told me he wanted to be a part of that. I cannot tell you what that means to me. I could ask for a better partner.


The Anglin Family said...

So happy for you! You deserve someone who treats you amazing mama! You are beautiful and he is lucky to have you:))
It's important for a man to love ALL you kids! GLad you have found that!

brigette said...

Yay!! Reading this makes me so, so happy foe you! You are so seeet and kind and deserve such an amazing person! Im happy for you mama!!

Caroline said...

Really happy for you , so glad he cares for all your kids.

Hannah Rose said...

This is so sweet, I am so happy for you too! I definitely understand how exciting this is because I too am a single mama and I wonder how a man (in the future) will love Lily with me. I hope he is like your man.

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