Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Its that time of year again....

Really my mind starts thinking about it after the new year. I can see the dark clouds in the horizon. Just looming.

Headed steadily in my direction.

On a straight path towards me.

Only to hit me head on in March.

So as the weeks of the new year settle in and I start to feel comfortable then January 26th arrives. Ive mentioned before what this date is but as always I will mention it again. January 26th, 2007 a beautiful baby boy was born. And not only was he given birth to, but a beautiful idea and service was born too. Yes Im referring to Christian, Carlie Marie Dudley's Christian. His birthday is only weeks apart from Genesis' birthday. So when his day arrives, it reminds me of the big day that is ahead.

Then February arrived and things settled a bit again, until today. February 14th. And no, it has nothing to do with Valentine's Day. It has to do with the fact that one of my dogs was born on this day. This day 5 years ago. Yup. 2007. I didn't adopt this dog until after Genesis died. He brought me comfort. 

{Im gonna backtrack a little here}
The story behind Yoshi, my dog, was that I had a dog growing up named Kiwi. I loved her dearly. I had her since I was 6 years old and I had her up until January 2004 where she died at home at the ripe age of about 15. Here is a picture of my sweet Kiwi.
After she died I got another dog which I still have and I love him very much. But I always said that if I saw another dog that looked just like she did... black with a white left paw and white chest, that I would have to buy it.

After Genesis died, a couple months later around Mother's Day (don't even get me started), my then husband and I were walking around the mall and popped into the pet shop. And I saw him. I saw Yoshi. A black pomeranian with a white left paw and white chest. I knew it was meant to be. I was yearning to have something to nurture and care after since Genesis died. I had empty arm syndrome. And so it was a no brainer that this puppy was coming home with us. Here is a picture of Yoshi just days after we brought him home.
Quite the resemblance huh? Anyway... like I mentioned before, he was born Valentine's Day 2007... Just a matter of weeks before Genesis' actual birthday. So he reminds me of her too. He is almost the exact same age Genesis would have been. She should be here playing with him. Sigh. So him turning 5 today reminds me again of the ever fast approaching dark cloud that is March 16th. 

Her 5th birthday. 

Does it ever get easier?

Is easy even the right word?

Will this ever go away?


I don't have the answers. And I don't think anyone really does either since this is different for everyone and emotions are every changing. What might have been manageable one year may be excruciatingly painful the next. Who knows how things will be. 

My main focus is to remember her. 

Remind others she was here.

She was mine. 

She IS loved.

She IS wanted. 

She IS still a member of the family.

And celebrate that I am her mother and was truly blessed to be given this child. 


TanaLee Davis said...

I can't believe how much yoshi looks like kiwi!!! holy cow pies batman it looks like the same dog!
love ya-

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