Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Good feeling gone

Well another one bites the dust. Mr. L has decided to cut ties with me. And over something I never saw coming. Genesis. 

He said that he had previously been in a long term relationship with a woman that had given up a daughter for adoption. Said he was there for her emotionally and that the mom had an open relationship with her and that it was a continuous nonstop thing... he said that depleted him of compassion and emotional drained him as a person. He has none of that to offer me for genesis. He wants to, wishes he could but he cant offer than and deal with the handicap of his neck. Its too much. he said he didnt realize what a big thing this was for me. During our earlier convo I was telling him about the rabbit hole movie. He said that convo about all pregnancy and infant loss was too much for him. It made him feel drained and that in the short time we had been dating, almost 2 months, I brought her up 3 times.... and that its more than he can handle. he kept saying its not a bad thing, he just cant cope with that. i told him i think he is putting more pressure on himself with the expectations he is setting on what he thinks he needs to give me during hard times. He said he knows but thats just him and that what He wants to give but cant and as a result it leaves him feeling stressed and depleted. He cant cope.

Its odd really. He tells me that I have made him so happy these last few weeks. That I am one of the most amazing women he has ever had the pleasure of knowing. That we connect on so many levels like no one ever has before. That our chemistry is off the charts epic. That he can even see himself helping me raise my kids. BUT, he cant cope with Genesis being such a big part of my life. Wow... really? I was sort of left speechless. I straight up told him "I knew dating as a single mom wasnt going to be easy... but I never thought it would be the dead child that a guy would have the problem with." And can someone please tell me why he made this about him? HE cant cope? HIM? This is my loss. My daughter. I have been the one coping. Im the one that will always have to cope... because what other option do I have. It has nothing to do with him. And the only thing I would ever need as support from a future partner is to allow me to talk about her when I need to without judgement. Thats all. Evidently that was too much of me to ask.

I guess I am sentenced to a live a lonely life full of heartache.


Shauna said...

I'm so sorry this has happened--what a jerk to do this to you right now as Genesis Angel Birthday comes up! ALL (dead and alive) of our children make up who we are--why is that so hard for people to accept or comprehend!! ((HUGS))

Holly said...

:( I'm sorry it ended like this. I don't understand at all how he says he can't cope with it. If you love someone you support them no matter what. I guess I just don't get his explanation at all.

Tiffany said...

wow. reading what he said made me so mad. you deserve so much better than that selfish man has to offer. i'm so sorry. ((hugs))

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