Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Time to reflect

Women are confusing creatures. Throw some grief in there and no one can really understand it. Not even the woman herself. So many emotions to sift through, to try and make sense of. Sometimes it just can't be done.

I have written before about what a loving community the BLM community is. A close knit sisterhood. However there are the trolls as one of my friends likes to put it. Those that no matter what you do or say want to start something. I guess I shouldn't say want to start something... maybe they don't want to but with being a BLM there are so many triggers you never know what may jump out at you or how you will react.

I feel very strongly in standing up for myself and being assertive and doing what my heart tells me to do. So yesterday I did just that.

There was a group on Facebook for miscarriage/loss support, and they posed a question that began like this: 
"Did you get to hold your loss?"

Now Im sorry but I was sensitive to this. My daughter wasn't a loss. She was my child. A baby. My little girl. A loss is what happened, but she wasn't a loss. I really don't want her associated with something bad. Something bad did happen but that isn't her. She was and is the light of my life and my joy. I want her to be remembered for the good, not the fact that she couldn't stay long. So I replied to the thread, which I usually don't, but I felt I needed to step up. I simply stated that perhaps I may be overly sensitive but I don't refer to my daughter as a loss. Yes I did loose her, but I didn't hold "my loss", I held my daughter. My baby. And that she may want to re word it. Several BLMs agreed with me in the post. Ultimately the post was deleted and a new post was made by the page owner saying she was disappointed in the response. She also went on to say she felt attacked and even questioned continuing doing what she was doing to support BLMs. 

This was certainly not my intention. I think she blew it out of proportion. I mean, if you are running a public page then you are putting yourself out there for people to both agree and disagree with what you post. Plain and simple. But add to it that we are grieving mothers and most posts are like tip toeing around egg shells. You can't please everyone, thats just plain and simple fact. My only reason for even commenting was to get my perspective out. She didn't have to agree, nor did anyone else. I just knew I was voicing my opinion and my way of remembering my daughter. And for that I am proud. 

Anyway, getting back to women being hard to understand. So as soon as she voiced her dissatisfaction with the replies new BLMs jumped in to the rescue. Which is fine and great there is that kind of support but she was not attacked. She really was too sensitive about it and wanted to make it into something it was not. I suppose the same could be said about me, I was too sensitive about her initial post. Either way, we are both entitled to say what we feel. And we can agree to disagree. 

But I guess the whole reason for this post is just to shed light on how difficult it is to be a BLM. Even we bump heads at times. It does not negate from the fact that we miss our children and support those that are traveling the same road we are.


TanaLee Davis said...

I dont blame you tiffany. I would have reacted the same.

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