Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Random sighs

I took the rainbows to the park this weekend. I was going to take them to visit Genesis' stone but the drive was a bit far and the kids are sick so I decided to go somewhere closer to home. 

I ended up taking them to the park that the International Babylost Mother's Day picnic was at. I really love that park. Even before the IBLMD picnic took place there, it would always make me think of her. Not really sure why. I guess its with all parks... I see the kids playing and envision that there should be three of them there screaming and running around. Sigh. 

I did see a beautiful hummingbird there which obviously made me think of my girl. And on the way back something caught my eye. In my car I have a little hanging prism that sparkles in the sun. I got this years and years ago even before I got married. I always thought it was pretty. Since losing Genesis it took on more meaning to me. Its in the shape of a drop. It reminds me of a tear. The tears I shed for Genesis. It hangs right aside her sun catcher as well. What I find interesting is that this tear of sadness reflects rainbows. How very meaningful. 

So as I was driving the rainbow from the prism was shinning on my face. I noticed it looked like a rainbow tear. I had to take a picture and wanted to share with you what I saw. 

I think this is so signifiant. You can clearly see the pain in my eyes. I may not be sad at that moment or crying real tears but there is always a heaviness with me. I may not always outwardly show it but behind my eyes you can see it. I think the rainbow tear is important as well because it shows that rainbows are not a "fix". Yes they make life sweeter and a reason to appreciate and love... but no rainbow can ever replace the lost child. Ever. So while I may have color (rainbows) back in my life, the tears are still there. Even if they are in rainbow shades now. 

I miss her every. single. day. 

I love you baby girl. 

Always and forever. 


TanaLee Davis said...

Wow. I see exactly what you are talking about. i look at old photo's of me before my loss and and compare to now...I too carry a deep and heaviness in my eyes. hugs mama-
it will be alright before we know it.

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