Saturday, July 30, 2011


On my way home from work yesterday I was stopped at a light and a dragonfly flew back and forth in front of my car. It was a orange-red one. Totally made me think of my girl. Then when the light changed and I started to drive I saw a sticker on the car in front of me. Check it out:

That's right. It's a girl with wings and a halo and it says "Angel Baby". Wow. I could not take my eyes off of it. Seriously what are the odds?

Then further along in my drive I saw this license plate:

I noticed the "JEH" and instantly thought of Jehovah which reminded me that Jehovah has Genesis in his memory and written in the book of life. He knows her better than even I did/do. This brought me comfort.

Then I got home and started getting ready for the dinner. I noticed I got a package in the mail. Remember a while back I mentioned I won a giveaway from Yasmina's Gift of Hope? Yea. I won a personalized journal which I thought was so neat since always make them for others it was neat that now a BLM was making one for me. Here is the special package that made today even more special:

And of course I had to wear my Genesis bracelet:

So I got ready and headed out the door to meet up with Cassie and Karen. On my way there I saw this:

I know it's a terrible picture, sorry. But here is what I saw. On the left is a store called Rainbow Gifts with a rainbow on the window. On the right is a black and white drawing of a angel girl. Again this totally made me think of Genesis and also that she is sort of reminding me I have the rainbows to love.

So I met up with Cassie and Karen and we went on our way. We met at a cute mexican restaurant in the OC. It was actually at the same exact location of the OC Walk To Remember last year.

We arrived and were greeted by 7 lovely ladies. I was really looking forward to this and was so excited to share an anniversary with tonight's dinner. Being that this was my first meet up I really didn't know how this usually worked. I figured we would enjoy good company and share stories about our kids. And that we did, however it didn't go as I thought it would.

I'm usually ok when I talk about Genesis to 1 or 2 people at a time. But I've never been in a situation where I am telling a group about her and her story. I've never been to group support or therapy or counseling. This was the closest thing to it.

We actually went around the table telling our story with all the other ladies. I was fine with this. But then I was the first one to go. I had 9 sets of eyes on me as I spoke of my lost daughter. As soon as I started talking I felt my throat tightening up. I kept talking. Then my eyes filled with tears. I had to stop. The ladies were more than understanding and they continued around the table.

Each had their own heartbreaking stories. One thing I noticed was I was "the veteran". Everyone's loss was quite recent. Mine was years out while most were months and just past the first year. Another thing I noticed, no one else cried. I had the most time pass since my loss and I was the one who was a mess. What's wrong with me? I'm not sure why I still cry. I don't know if I'll ever not cry. And is crying about it still a bad thing? I just don't know the answer to any of this. What I do know is that I felt like a fool for crying. I hate being the center of attention and I hate crying in public, both of which happened. But oh well, moving on.

Overall I had a good time. I really do enjoy sharing Genesis story with others despite the tears. Here are some pictures from yesterday:

Oh and wanna hear something funny? Everyone except me, Cassie and Karen was pregnant. Yep. It's a beautiful thing to see so many rainbows on the way <3 And while we were there it happened to be someone's birthday and the waiters gathered around their table and sang them their birthday song. I couldn't help but think that today was supposed to be Genesis birthday as well. On the drive home we passed Disneyland which was having their fireworks show as we passed. I felt it made Genesis anniversary even more special:

Also this morning something special happened. I got home late last night so I let D spend the night at grandmas. This morning I took G to go pick him up. While we were there both D&G started playing and wandering around mama's room. I just sat on my moms bed making small talk with her. Then all of a sudden G walks up to me and hands me this:

I have never seen this before and when I read the words "Our first granddaughter" I thought my mom maybe got a folder to put G's photos in or something. I was not expecting what I saw inside:

A copy of the card the hospital gave me of Genesis footprint and birth stats. Wow. I was stunned that G handed this to me. All these things can't be coincidence. I know they are winks and Jehovah is letting me know she is safe with him.

Over all yesterday was an amazing day filled with winks galore. I thank everyone who kept Genesis and I in their thoughts.


Tiffany said...

I <3 you and Genesis xo

Lisette said...

What a beautiful day you shared. I know it never gets easy but you are not alone. ((HUGS))

Sophie said...

Wow Tiff! Definitely a lot of winks there. I'm so happy for you that you are seeing them. This happens for me too. xx

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