Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Stuff

I feel the need to blog but dont really know where to start. This blog is primarily for anything related to Genesis. But a very small percentage of it is just to vent... probably like 0.01%. This is one of those posts.


I only put so much of myself out there on the internet. Weather it be here on my blog or on my facebook page. Yes, of course, facebook is more into my daily life while this place is more about Genesis. But even if you follow my blogs and are my friend on facebook, that doesnt mean you know every single detail of my life. Im sure the same can be said about all of you. We only know so much about each other and we kind of overlook all the gaps of what we dont know. 


Well sadly, I have had a few people who have judged me based on photos that I put online. They want to jump to conclusions about my way of parenting. And my way of grieving for my child. And to those that want to point the finger at me, remember that when you do that, you have three more fingers pointing back at yourself. Who are you to judge? Really? If you are a BLM and we have walked parallel paths who are you to say that your way of grieving is the only way? Or that my way is wrong? And Im going on almost 4 years without her and you say thing like I should be over it... well it has a name in case you haven't been reading my blog. Her name is Genesis. And I will grieve for her for the rest of my life. And if you dont like it then that is your problem. I dont make you read my blog. Those of you that read it are here because you are offering support to me, maybe even finding a little strength and hope from my posts that you can take away with you or maybe you just think its a good read. (I hope its those things anyway) 


Just because we are BLMs and connected on this terrible level doesnt mean that we are all exactly the same. Our stories are different. Our feelings are different. Our grieving is different. Our situations are different. No two people are alike. And if we have rainbows, our children are not alike. One thing that holds true for all of us I think, is that we have been through enough grief in life to last us a lifetime. So why add to it by turning on each other? We certainly dont need that.


For BLM and non BLM alike who have kids... you can raise your kids anyway you want. You know what is best for you and your family just like I know what is best for me and mine. I cant stand those moms that want to give you advice on what you should do and how to parent your kid especially when I didnt even ask for your opinion. Or those parents that want to go off a picture and judge your parenting. Like if your kid was photographed playing in the mud they jump to conclusions that you live like a homeless person. That you dont bathe your kids and that you cant afford to take care of them. What in the world is that? Come one, are people so closed minded that that is the way they think? Am I such an big part of your life that you must look through all my photos and then want to judge me? I had no idea I was that important to you. 


There is no one way to parent. I have my own opinions about vaccines, spankings, circumcision, co-sleeping.... even the way I clothe and love my kids...the list goes on. But I am not so close minded and ignorant as to think that everyone with different opinions than mine is wrong. Their decisions do not affect me in the least. So why would mine affect others? 


If you have seen pics of my kids on facebook let me ask you this: Do they look miserable? Does my home look filthy? Do they look malnourished? Do they look sickly? Does it look like they lack anything? Then why does it matter how I parent them if they have everything they need and more?


Sigh... I cant believe I even had to do a post on this. But here is the last thing I want to say. As BLMs dont you think we have been through enough? Why add to the daily struggles? Why add anxiety and drama? We have enough to worry about already. Weather you are on the outside looking in as non BLM or you are in this terrible club, I think the same rule applies: If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all. And if you do have a problem with me or anything else that involves you, you can talk to me as a mature, respectable adult. Although once again I dont see how my parenting/ life choices include you in the least. 

14 comments:

Trena said...

Okay, seriously? Tiffany I am friends with you on FB and have seen the pictures you post so I am really alarmed that anyone would have anything negative to say. It's shocking really. What the hell is wrong with people? You know, since I have become a BLM I have met a lot of amazing woman but there is also a lot of judgment in this community and I just don't get it. We shouldn't judge anyone, ever but a BLM making harsh and judgmental comments to another BLM just makes my heart hurt. Tiffany, you are an inspiration to me and you are so very strong. ((hugs)) Do not change anything about yourself! ♥ ♥

Cassie Beserra said...

Very well put. Knowing you and spending some time with our families together I can honnestly say that you have a wonderful balance of remembering Genesis and raising your beautiful Rainbows.

Tiffany said...

:( i can't believe you had to post this too. it makes me sad that people have nothing better to do than to judge and gossip. girl, delete them and block them out b/c you are so mcuh better than that. you don't deserve the negativity in your life. no BLM should further complicate their lives with such toxic people or behavior. and it's sad that there are people out there that do. this reminds me of that dr. seuss quote "be who you are, and say what you feel because the ones that mind don't matter, and the ones that matter don't mind" ♥♥

Jessica said...

I agree with the above. It is sad that another BLM is causing you to feel this way. Sad that those who should understand somehow think that understanding means they have free reign to judge you. I have seen your facebook pics too and can't imagine how ANYONE could have a problem with anything at all! You are right though how you raise your children is your choice. No one has any right to tell you what to do or judge you for what you do. (((HUGS))) sorry this post was necessary :*(

Lisette said...

That is not cool that someone would make any judgements towards you and your family. They need to mind their own business. You said it quite well!!!
I think you are a wonderful mom, don't let this person get to you ((HUGS)).

Antoinette said...

What you and I have learned in the past few months is JUST because they are BLMs doesnt mean we all think and act exactly alike. No ONE person is the bestest at everything (yes I made up that word=P) but seriously...PEOPLE need to do more with themselves them search through pictures on FB and JUDGE others for their grief, for example telling others its "Easy to wallow" was one that really pissed me off...I find my way of grieving RATHER difficult but that is the way I know to do it, its what is helping ME be able to embrace all my emotions now and pain NOW so maybe in 10 years I wont need shock therapy like my aunt did 30 years ago when she was told to MOVE ON....4 years is nothing in the eyes of a mother, YOU know your pain and they know theirs. if they are cured better for them....DONT point fingers at who is the 'bestest' at anything...and I say it ALL the time...You know what people tell you, so when you think someone is 'so much better' its cause THEY SAID THEY ARE..not cause its real. People like us that are vocal with our pain seem 'depressing' but if I did ONE week of happy lovely status on FB everyone would say "Oh wow Ann is doing so good" cause its what I told them....xoxo....you know what is best for you and your children..xoxo

TanaLee Davis said...

Seriously? What could someone possibly say about your parenting? Your kids are beautiful and you do nothing wrong as far as I am concerned. People can have their opinions but that doesn't mean they should voice it. Somethings you just keep to your self (your likely wrong anyway) because sure a picture says a thousand words but there is much that it doesn't say. You could have a smiling family photo but at home the husband beats his wife and the kids get locked in their rooms for spilling milk. I will say this to the people that wanna talk bad about you. Keep Your Mouth shut! You have no room or the right to judge anyone especially someone who doesn't abuse her kids! Not to mention you don't have all the facts. Okay my freak out session is done.
Love ya Tiffany!
~Felicia

Leannehoovler said...

So sorry you are getting grief from people sweetie! I'm not going to rant much because everyone that has commented before me has already said pretty much what I would have, so instead I will tell you that you are a beautiful person and THANK YOU for being a source of strength for us BLM's that find comfort in your blog! YOU ROCK!

belle said...

ditto! judgment hurts... we need understanding and support and encouragement!

our differences make our world a better place.... your love for your children is inspiring! :)

brigette said...

WOW im so sorry. I think your an amaizng woman and mother. I am sorry you had to be hurt yet again.... much love!

With Out My Punkin said...

I'm sorry that they feel they need to tell you what you should be doing. We are all doing what we believe is best, and guess what that's what matters! Your babies are beautiful and loved, they must be jealous. <3

Meg said...

To be honest I am quite floored at the change of support the last few months. I have found a lot of judgment from other BLM'S..maybe it just that their words cut deeper...we are here to support and love each other...with that said we will not all be best friends..hell we will not all even be friends. But we have a common thread that binds us and that should create more compassion... I always feel like I am saying the wrong thing.. (see current post under your status and you will see what I mean)...This road we walk sucks...WHY on earth would we want to hurt another BLM?? I am sorry for your pain girl..your babies are beautiful and clearly well loved. Walk away from those that create negativity and focus on those that support you and love you even at your darkest hour.
xzoxoxoxoxoo

Bree said...

I agree with Trena. You kids look happy and healthy to me. You are a wonderful mother to all three of your children, Tiffany. And, yes, I always wonder why people just can't bite their tongue when they don't have anything nice to say. I'm sorry someone hurt your feelings. Hugs.

Tiffany said...

WOW im so sorry. I think your an amaizng woman and mother. I am sorry you had to be hurt yet again.... much love!

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