Monday, December 20, 2010

Movie Review and then some

So I'm gonna give you all the rundown of my experience of going to watch The Rabbit Hole and a little background info leading up to it. {I tried not to give away too much of the movie, though we all know pretty much how it goes...but if you want to be totally surprised you may want to skip reading this post}

Initially I wanted to go in the morning but the plans kind of got thrown off because of my mom. We opted to go see the 1:55 showing at the Arclight in Hollywood. Then at the last minute my mom invited my sister to come with us. I guess I have nothing against her coming but I know she doesn't really give a damn about what I go through as a BLM... Or at least that's how I feel. I mean...why can't my mom just come with me to show me support that she cares and not make it about anyone else? My dad did the same thing when we went to the BLM BBQ...he brought my sister along and it was weird because she really has no connection to the BLM community even though she lost a niece when Genesis died. Maybe it's because she is still so young and doesn't get it. But anyway, moving along.

So my mom, sister, G and I went to movies together. I had been wanting to see this movie since I first blogged about it. The Arclight isn't too far from us but it's not close either. Plus today was a very rainy day and driving in LA is CRAZY! But I was determined to see this movie despite the rain. If any of you know me really well and you know how much I hate to drive, especially in LA traffic and in the rain... so I really made an effort to see this movie.

So while we are driving my mom mentions that she wanted to take a trip to Monterey and to go see the Monterey Bay Aquarium. And this caused me to flashback to my last trip to Monterey. 

It was May 2007, just 8 weeks after Genesis died. My husband and I took this trip for our 3 year wedding anniversary. It was our last anniversary and trip together before he left me. We stopped by my family's house to say hi and that was the trip that a relative saw my bracelet that said "Genesis" and she asked what that was about. When I told her it was my daughters name she replied "your daughter?" with the most confused and disgusted voice. I never forgot that. So I mentioned all this in our conversation. My mom mentioned that "one by one she is straightening the relatives out." I was confused by this an asked her what she was talking about. She said that she spoke with a relative who just lost her father-in-law yesterday. So the conversation was about death and what they planned to do and how to go about doing it. My mom says that she brought up Genesis in the conversation saying "It was so very hard when my granddaughter died...only our family got to meet her...." according to my mom, this relative asked if the baby was buried and my mom told her she was cremated. I guess she asked a few questions and my mom answered them for her. This meant a lot to me. That my mom was not afraid to speak Genesis' name to my family members and that my family member asked some questions about Genesis. This was the first time I've heard anyone speak about her outside of me bringing her up. I couldn't help but cry when she told me this. I thanked her and told her she didnt know how much that meant to me and that I really appreciated it. So already I was already emotional on our drive to the theatre. 

We arrived at the Arclight with 10 minutes to spare before the movie started. This was my first time here and I was in awe of how  big this place was. Here are some pics of the theatre:

We got in and got in line to buy our tickets. Immediately I notice the prices. $13.50 A TICKET! (I remember when it used to cost $4.75 a movie) What the heck is going on? That is just ridiculous! I thought $10 was a lot at the AMC by our house but this was seriously robbery. But I really wanted to see this movie and thankfully my mom was paying since money was tight but I still intend to pay back every dime but really that was still a lot for anyone to pay but I decided it was ok since this movie was so important to me. Then the bomb dropped. They told me that they had to charge G for a ticket. Yes, you heard me right. And not a child's price or anything. They wanted to charge her $13.50 to ender the theatre. Is that not the most insane thing you have ever heard? I must have given her a look like she had two heads or something. I was like you have got to be joking. I refused to have them charge an infant who wasnt even going to be taking a seat nor watching the movie. And excuse my french but that was complete bullshit. I asked who I could speak to about this and she referred me to guest services. I stated how appalled I was by this "rule" and asked if she realized how insane it was. She refused to answer me saying she didnt make the rules. I told her I knew she personally didnt make the rules but I told her that from one human being to another do you think its logical to charge an infant an adults price to enter the movie theater when she wasnt even watching the movie? And I myself will probably miss parts when she gets fussy and I need to get up... and instead they want to charge me double for a movie I probably was not going to get to see in its entirety. Again no response from her. Only that she didnt make the rules and they discourage people from bringing kids. Well this is NOT the way to discourage people. If you dont want kids here then put a freaking banner on the website and a sign on your doors saying NO KIDS ALLOWED. But this was just crazy. I refused to have my mom pay for an infant. My mom had already bought her ticket as well as my sisters and my ticket while I was talking to the guest services lady. When I saw that this woman wasnt gonna budge I told them to return the tickets and that we should just go home and that it was ridiculous to have to pay this for G. 

As I was telling them this I couldn't help but start to tear up. I had been looking forward to this for so long and it was all for nothing. I couldn't help it since I was already emotional and I started to actually cry. And all in front of the lady. She must have thought that I was a freaking nut. Well seeing me cry tugged on her heart strings and said "awww dont cry... no need to cry... here, Ill tell you what. Ill give you a guest pass for the baby this one time so you wont have to pay." She went on to say "I know it must be tough to get out of the house with a baby...." I told her "you know it means a lot to me to come and see this movie. I had a daughter die and thats the reason I came to see it. I connect with this movie. Thats why I am so emotional." I thanked her for her kindness and made my to the theatre. I have to tell you, I felt like such an idiot for crying and I really did not expect a freebie. I know it was Genesis doing this for me. But honestly, I am never going back there because of how ridiculous it is to charge for babies. And yea she is right, it is tough for me to go to the movies. The last movie I saw was The Women [2 years ago]. 

But anyway, we found our seats and there were about 10 other people in the theatre. Not surprising as it was just before 2:00 in the afternoon on a Monday. As the lights dimmed I could already feel myself holding my breath for the moving to start... and the tears... again. 

I think overall they did a great job at portraying the life of a BLM. Though the boy in the movie died at age 4, I could still connect with the emotions. There were things that were said and situations that have come up that I personally have had to deal with after Genesis died so I think it was pretty accurate. I really connected with one of the other characters. She was in the group therapy and she and her husband introduced themselves to the main characters and mentioned that she has been in therapy for 8 years. Then Nicole Kidman's mother had been a BLM for 11 years. Im glad they put this in as it shows that its not something that you get over quickly... or ever. I also connected with the fact that another character's husband left her. I could feel her pain since I too had been down that path. So many scenes tugged at my heart and as expected I cried. There were a few times where G was a little fussy and so as to not disturb others I went to the hallway on the side of the theatre and watched there for a few minutes. Even standing in the hallway the tears streamed down my face. All in all the movie was everything I expected and everything I had hoped for. 

There was a scene that spoke to me. I cant recall the exact quote and since its not online yet I cant tell you word for word what was said. But the main character's mother describes her grief as a brick. A brick that is in her pocket. Its always there, no way to get rid of it. At times you forget about it and get used to it being there. And when you go and reach for something else in your pocket, you are reminded time and time again that the brick is there. I love that comparison. Its so very true. Its like the grief is weighing you down to an extent. She goes on to say that its always there. It will never go away and that thats ok. That its fine that its always there. She was trying to say that the way we grieve is fine... its normal. It was such a touching scene from a veteran BLM to one just entering this new world and finding her way. Another great scene was at the end where the main character asked "what are we gonna do?" and the husband went into great detail about a bbq. I love that they were trying to say that a BLM  takes it a minute at a time, maybe even an hour at a time. But to look to far ahead is something we most likely cannot do.

We sat through all the credits and waited to get up till the lights came back on. My mom and sister were a little disappointed with the ending. I asked them "Well how did you think it was gonna end?" My mom replied that she thought they would get pregnant and have another baby. I told them that I was pretty sure they didnt have that in the movie because having a kid is not a quick fix. It doesnt take away what happened. That was the point they were trying to make. As I said this I could tell the 3 older people behind us were watching me {and my swollen crying face} say this and they nodded their heads in agreement. I couldn't help but think they were BLMs too. They got the movie just like I did. On our drive home we talked about the movie some more. My sister asked why would you be so sad like that everyday. I replied with "what choice do you have? its either that or you kill yourself." (at least that was my reasoning) She replied "well you dont have to go to either extreme." I told her that as an outsider looking into the life of a BLM, it is really easy to judge and unless you have walked these same steps you will never understand. Its just not possible to choose to be happy. Its just not possible... at least that has been my experience. 

I truly hope that this has opened their eyes about the kind of world that I live in. My rainbows are most definitely blessings and I treasure every minute of everyday with them. But they are not the quick fix. Yes in my experience they have helped me by bringing joy to my life but I will never be who I was before. I will never be that happy and carefree ever again.

One last thing that caught my eye was the description of the movie they had online. The last few sentences read like this:

"Yet, as off track as they are, the couple keeps trying to find their way back to a life that still holds potential for beauty, laughter and happiness. The resulting journey is an intimate glimpse into two people learning to re-engage with each other and a world that has been tilted off its axis." 

That was just perfect. Thats exactly it... our world has been tilted off its axis. Very well said. All in all I highly recommend seeing this. Bring the tissues... or really, roll of paper towels with you though. It is an intense movie with a range of emotions. I am most definitely going to buy this once it comes out on DVD.


Sophie said...

I'm sorry you couldn't go with another babyloss mama. And I am glad they gave you the free pass but man, that is a stupid ass rule! Ridiculous! Thankyou for sharing your thoughts on this movie. I really want to see it too.


mrsnice777 said...

Wow! I can't wait to see this when it comes out on DVD. I don't think I could go to the movies to see it - I like to cry on my bed with my box of tissues ;-)


Franchesca said...

Oh Tiffany, what a day. I think those women must have been BLM too. I am glad it all eventually worked out for you to see it, it just seems like when it rains it pours. I will watch it when it comes to netflix hopefully.


Tiffany said...

tilted off it's axis is the perfect way to describe it. i'm glad you liked the movie. and i'm glad you were able to help your sis understand a little bit better the life of a BLM. so glad the woman waived the fee for G. that is riduculous. ((hugs))

Maggie said...

Thanks Tiffany! I really want to see this. I'm glad you were able to. XO

Jessica said...

That was a great movie! I mentioned the brick in the pocket part in my review too! I loved that part myself!

Caroline said...

I really want to see this, can't wait til it comes out on DVD.
That is so crazy to have to pay for a infant , glad you got it waved.

Holly said...

Gosh, I so wanna see this! I need to see this!!

Tiffany said...

Gosh, I so wanna see this! I need to see this!!

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