Friday, November 5, 2010

ok, deep breath

Boy... where do I even start with this post? So my cousin who is pregnant with a little girl is due any day now... so of course Im a little sensitive about this, but that isnt the worst part. 


My brother and his wife announced they are pregnant... again. The last time they announced their pregnancy to me I had just left the hospital where only hours before I gave birth to Genesis. My brother called my cell phone as I was in the car coming home from the hospital. I had not even made it home yet and I pick up the phone thinking Im going to get some sort of "Im sorry for your loss" type of call. But no, these were the exact words out of his voice, "Guess what? We are pregnant!" I couldnt respond right away. I was not only still in shock about having my daughter die, but his heart stabbing announcement also left me in a state of shock. Yet I was worried about coming off as a bitch so I said "uhhh congratulations." Looking back I wish I had cussed him out. I still have not forgotten the pain he caused that day. A pain I feel every time I hear his name or see his face. 


Plus there is some weird stuff going on with my brother and I... Well mostly him. Some weird competition. If I do something he has to do it too. When I got married he rushed to go get married 4 months later. When he found out I was pregnant with Genesis he and his wife started trying too. Well, since I had G everyone was saying it was only a matter of time till he got her pregnant again...and sure enough, he did. Why cant he live his own life? I love my nephew but Im gonna be honest here. He is the biggest brat ever. He is so mean and no one even likes babysitting him from what I have heard. This makes me really sad, really it does. But they are the facts and even my brother will tell you this is true. My brothers health is not good and his wife is out of work. Everyone always said that 1 kid was perfect for them. Even my brother said he didnt want anymore and that he couldn't handle two. Well that all changed when I had G. The competition went on despite his physical limitations.


Im not thrilled, no. I have so many emotions about this I dont even know what they all are and how to put them down here. Today has been just a very stressful day. My nerves cant take much more today, thank goodness the day is nearing its end and I will soon get my much needed rest. Sigh.

3 comments:

Wyatt's Mommie said...

I am so very sorry. I have one like that in my family also. Just remember this: They have to be like YOU! Therefore, you must be doing something right. <3

Love ya girl

croleyc69 said...

Thinking of you & {{HUGS}}

Caroline

Jessica said...

(((hugs))) <3

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