Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The life of a single mom

I feel like Im a joke when it comes to being a mom. Maybe Im just too hard on myself. I just dont feel like a typical mom. I dont really do play dates because I really dont have many mommy friends in real life. I dont do the book club, spinning class or carpool thing. I cant do the stay at home mom thing because Im the only bread winner. I just feel like I dont fit in in the "mom" club. I mean there are some things I am glad that I dont do like "a mom". Like drive a mini van. I will NEVER drive a van. Ever. And I dont wear mom jeans lol 


But I cant help but feel like my own variation of what a mom should be. And dont get me wrong, I think its awesome I have my own variation but you know what they say, 1 is the loneliest number. Why cant someone be in my same variation? Or heck, even in my general area of mommy hood.... The life of a single mom is very lonely. At least mine is. My rainbows limit me as to what I can do and where I can go and Im willing to do anything and everything for them but it takes a toll on me. I long for real conversation with someone other than a 2 yr old and Dora and Diego. I want to hear someones voice that has actually gone through puberty. Id like to interact with actual adults I am not related to at least a couple times a week. With my crazy schedule and responsibilities, that just isnt happening. My home is starting to feel like a prison cell with no interaction from the outside.


My limitations have cost me some friendships as mentioned before. I think that really sucks but if they are willing to throw away our friendship because of that, then heck, they were not a real friend to begin with. Its really tricky. Not only am I am mom, but Im a single mom. And not only am I a single mom, Im a babylost mom too. I dont have anyone that relates to me on all those levels. No one really gets everything. I truly feel so alone these days. I dont have anyone to show G's new outfits to. Or to turn and say "did you hear D learned a new word?" No one asks me how my day was or ever offers to help me around the house or cook me dinner or rub my feet or watch the kids so I can take more than 4 minutes in the shower. Its me, myself and I 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... I dont even know why Im really making this post. I guess I just need to let it out, let blog land know what aches my heart. I cant fix it... not now anyway. Maybe in time things will be different. 


Ive seen some people out there that have these amazing friendships. People that know you better than you know yourself. Who dont judge you. Who will cry with you. Who will be there without you having to ask. Who can finish your sentences. Who can look at you and know what you are thinking. Those relationships are priceless, and I envy that. I know not everyone has one of these... but I long for it so much. Someone I can pour my heart to and know that they wont judge or think differently of me. Sigh...one day maybe....one day.

5 comments:

Bethany said...

I long for friendships like that too... in that you are not alone.

Mason said...

oh hun, it makes me sad to hear you say you feel this way. Not in a pitty way at all, I get these feelings too. But people like you have helped me understand that we are not alone. I cant relate to the being a single mom part...I know that must be difficult and I would like to get closer to you but I feel like I have nothing to offer since I have no kids of my own=( If I did, I would love to come over and help watch gigi while you shower. Im the kind of person that likes having company and having coffee or tea or dinner but the only reason I have the time for those things is because of having no children. All in all I am here for you in anything that is in my will to do<3

Tiffany said...

Karen~ honey you DO have a child. Dont forget that. But I know what you are trying to say. And you do have so much to offer... your friendship. That is the most priceless thing. I would like to get closer to you too honey. I appreciate your kind words and I hope you know I am here for you any time you need anything. Although right now in life we dont connect on the single mom level we have many other similarities. You are a gem hun, and as soon as this weekend passes I want to spend some time with you, ok? LOVE you!!!

Lisette said...

I admire you so much. I can't imagine being a single mom. My hubs travels often for work sometimes 3 months at a time. Those time being alone are hell for me. I can't compare that with what you live everyday. It sucks having to wait until the kids are alseep to even shower but even then you have to hurry. I love Julian to death but yes there are times that I want to watch a movie that isn't kid friendly. We HAVE to get together soon. We aren't that far from one and other, I can come to you or we can meet in the middle.

Tiffany said...

Lisette~ I would love to get together with you sometime. Just let me know when. <3

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