Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I didnt think this would be so hard

In my last post I told you all about the scrapbook I bought for Genesis. I went on my computer to see if I could gather up all the photos I could find of anything relating to her. Specifically pictures of myself while I was pregnant with her. I found a few. Most of them had my ex husband in the photo. I have yet to decide if I want to crop him out or just exclude them all together. But seeing those photos...being taken back to that time and place just brought me to tears last night. 


I was very ill with Genesis. Im pretty sure I had hyperemesis Gravidarum, though I never made it far enough to even get an official diagnosis from my OB. I remember I would throw up so much that by the end of the day I was throwing up blood from how raw my esophagus was. Breathing and swallowing hurt because of how much I threw up. Dont get me wrong, if it could have saved her, I would have gladly gone through it the whole 9 months. But its evident from the photos I did find I was not feeling well. I wish I had given a real smile.


But about the photos I found... I went whale watching when I was pregnant with her. I look back at that trip fondly. I also went to the La Brea Tar Pits while I was pregnant with her. I have one photo there of my "hardly showing" belly which brings me to tears. And lastly, I remember going to the beach and watching the sunset. I dont have any photos of the beach trip though. I remember being in complete peace and total love as I sat there on the cool sand watching the sky turn deep shades of orange and yellow. I took in every salty breath and just hugged my baby bump. Just dreaming of the future.


Had I only known...

7 comments:

Wyatt's Mommie said...

(((Hugs to you))) I love ya girl... Your book will turn out beautiful regardless of the number of photos. A scrapbook doesn't have to be about photo... Use one of your sunset pictures and write about what you remember from your beach trip and how your current day sunsets remind you of Genesis.... You are going to put all your love into this scrapbook for Genesis, so regardless of what you place in the book, your love will make it beautiful!!!

Trena said...

I am crying. ((hugs)) mama. ♥

Tiffany said...

♥♥♥♥♥

TanaLee Davis said...

Tiffany,
I hurt for you. You have so much courage to be so vulnerable and admit the things you wish you would have done differently.
I am ever amazed with you strength and you ability to go through what you have. Your in my thoughts and prayers.
~Felicia

mrsnice777 said...

So sorry this scrapbook journey is taking you through some painful memories. Thinking of you!

((hugz))
Jamie

Lisette said...

((HUGS))

croleyc69 said...

{{HUGS}}

Caroline

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