In my last post I told you all about the scrapbook I bought for Genesis. I went on my computer to see if I could gather up all the photos I could find of anything relating to her. Specifically pictures of myself while I was pregnant with her. I found a few. Most of them had my ex husband in the photo. I have yet to decide if I want to crop him out or just exclude them all together. But seeing those photos...being taken back to that time and place just brought me to tears last night.
I was very ill with Genesis. Im pretty sure I had hyperemesis Gravidarum, though I never made it far enough to even get an official diagnosis from my OB. I remember I would throw up so much that by the end of the day I was throwing up blood from how raw my esophagus was. Breathing and swallowing hurt because of how much I threw up. Dont get me wrong, if it could have saved her, I would have gladly gone through it the whole 9 months. But its evident from the photos I did find I was not feeling well. I wish I had given a real smile.
But about the photos I found... I went whale watching when I was pregnant with her. I look back at that trip fondly. I also went to the La Brea Tar Pits while I was pregnant with her. I have one photo there of my "hardly showing" belly which brings me to tears. And lastly, I remember going to the beach and watching the sunset. I dont have any photos of the beach trip though. I remember being in complete peace and total love as I sat there on the cool sand watching the sky turn deep shades of orange and yellow. I took in every salty breath and just hugged my baby bump. Just dreaming of the future.
Had I only known...