This is what my mother told me today. We were just having some casual conversation and I just randomly asked her thoughts on attending a support group. Her response, "a support group for what?" Yea...um, so this response kind of, I dont know... not upset me but kind of frustrated me. In my head I am thinking 'what do you mean for what? only for the biggest tragedy of my life' but I just responded "for Genesis." She said "I think it would be good, you're a bit consumed by it." Whoa...ok so "it" has a name you know. And "it" is also your first grandchild, remember? uggh. And I thought her response to be interesting as I rarely ever speak of Genesis to my family. I mean rarely. You could probably count the number of times I have spoken to them about her this year on one hand. Not because I dont like talking about her, but because I dont like how they respond when I do.
I hardly think Im "consumed". I think I would have really benefited from a support group when the loss was raw instead of being alone in my grief, I didnt even have the BLM community then. But now Im in a different place. I would still like to attend at least once as its something I have never tried. But that is besides the point of this post. It just really bothered me that she thinks Im "consumed". Just because I talk about my dead daughter and do things to remember doesnt mean I am consumed. I mentioned to my mom that I am allowed to talk about all my children...even the dead one. She didnt reply and of course the subject was dropped as my family hates to talk about her. I dont get why I am considered to be consumed just because I wont pretend like it didnt happen. Like she didnt live and die. Dont we ever get a break?