Yup, my mother brought it up again last night. I was talking about my blm friends and sharing their stories and my mom adds her two cents saying "I think its fine and all to remember your baby but you shouldnt be consumed by it." I asked what she meant by "consumed". What would constitute being consumed. She said "I dont know....talking about it all the time.... and when you pay more attention to the dead baby than your living babies." I asked who she knew did that...and how would they show the "dead baby" more attention than to its living siblings... of course she said I dont know. Thats just a ridiculous statement if you ask me. Even if we wanted to and even tried to show our lost babies more attention than to the babies we have here, it would be impossible. How the heck do you do that? Seriously?! Does me looking at Genesis' 1 photo and writing her name every so often even compare to the millions of hugs and kisses and attention that I show my rainbows every single day? OF COURSE NOT!
Im not sure if she was referring to me or to the BLM community as a whole but either way she is wrong. You may remember that once before I actually mentioned that my mother is a BLM as well. She lost a baby at right around the same gestation that Genesis was. She caught scarlet fever from my brother when we were very young and as a result the baby died from it. It took a lot for her to get pregnant because from what I have been told, my dad is infertile. Im not sure what route they went to get pregnant, something tells me she used a sperm bank but Im not sure if she did it at home, or did IUI or EUI. It really doesn't matter. But what matters is that that baby was wanted and it died. She never saw the baby when it was born. She never found out if she had a son or a daughter. She never gave it a name. A photo was never taken of the baby. She herself calls it a "miscarriage". Her generation isnt like ours. It was even more taboo back then. She was expected to sweep it under the rug and forget... and thats what she did.
So when we were talking about being "consumed", I mentioned to her that most BLMs love to talk about their babies. But because its to uncomfortable for other people, thats why our children are not spoken of regularly. Speaking our children's name is music to our ears even if it brings tears to our eyes. She told me that she had to disagree that she doesnt feel the need to talk about her "miscarriage." (a little odd that she loves and misses Genesis who was born at almost the same gestation as her baby and she considers Genesis stillborn but is totally detached to her baby) I reminded her about the differences in generations and how she detached herself by never knowing what she had or giving her child a name. If she had things may be much different. But I agreed that everyone deals with it differently, thats why I said most blms. She left it at that.
But this topic bothers me so much... about being consumed. I have said it before and I will say it again: WE HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SPEAK OF OUR DEAD CHILDREN, JUST AS WE DO OF OUR LIVING CHILDREN. WE LOVE ALL OUR CHILDREN NO MATTER HOW LONG THEY STAYED WITH US. IT IS NOT A CRIME TO SPEAK THEIR NAME. How did things get like this for us BLMs? Really? Who decided we should pretend like it didnt happen? pretend they weren't real babies and people? who? I want to know WHO, so I can slap that idiot in the face.