So I got asked some pretty good questions. Are you ready for some answers? Here we go!
1. So I want to know where you got the idea to write the names on the sidewalk.
I just found the BLM community in the last year. So for those first 2 years after Genesis died I was completely in it alone. After seeing all the creative and beautiful ways that mamas were writing baby's names, it inspired me to do the same. Id seen names in the stars, on leaves, on rocks, in the sand... and the list goes on. I was thinking of something someone had not done yet. The sidewalk! Then I thought 'what would I call this blog/project?' And Names On The Sidewalk just popped in my head and it stuck.
2. How did you choose the name Genesis? When my husband and I were picking names I was the one to suggest the name Genesis. I had only heard it once before. On The Real World: Boston. I wasn't an avid watcher of the show but I had seen it enough to know that Genesis was the name of one of the members on the show. My husband liked the name at first but once he found out the member on the show was a lesbian then he didn't really like it. Though I have my own beliefs on being gay, I didn't let that sway me on liking the name. Using it didn't mean our daughter (if it was a girl) was going to turn out a lesbian. Yet I was married and had to consider my husband's opinion and if he didn't like it then it was off the list. The name we settled on was actually Eva Violeta. Eva after Eva Mendes who I just adore!! (after all she is a Cuban like me lol) And Violeta after my grandmother (pictured to the right). After all the insanity of being told your baby is going to die and delivering a stillborn baby it didn't even occur to me to name the baby. It's very vague but I think a nurse asked if she had a name... I didn't even hesitate. I said Genesis. I just felt that this was supposed to be her name. After I was moved to the recovery room I saw a sticker (pictured below) on a machine and I just knew that I was right in naming her that.
3. You seem to not have the most support from your family, so where do you find real life support? This question kind of makes me sad because I really don't have in real life support. I did however meet with some BLMs for a rainbow lunch once. And then of course going to the various walks last month was nice seeing BLMs I have met online. But really, I have no support.
4. How do you keep genesis memory alive with your other children? This one is tricky. G is still too young to understand anything. D is old enough to understand some things, not all though. I have involved both of them in attending the walks to remember and getting them their own special shirts. I have tried telling D about how he has a big sister and what her name is but its still not really sticking. All I can do is keep talking about her and involving her in our lives and hopefully speaking of Genesis will be as natural as talking about each other.
5. I want to know about the dreaded ex. Why is he such a dick? Was he a dick when you initially married him? Or did he change after Genesis died? Is he still in D and G's lives? Also, how will you be spending the holidays?
Love this question! ok where do I start... My husband and I met at church. You would think this is a good place to meet a "good" guy right? well, not so much. But he seemed nice and we got along great and everyone had nothing but good things to say about him. His dad on the other hand was a bit of a nut. I was told he was a little "loco" but no one got into specifics... even the head of the church. So I had everyone's blessing when I married him. He was a good guy. Don't get me wrong, our marriage wasnt perfect. We were pretty young and still figuring out this new married life, so we did hit a few bumps in the road.
When Genesis died, I had heard that something like this will either break you apart or bring you closer together. I never feared breaking up, mostly because we had hit a really good place in our marriage and also because based on religious beliefs, we were stuck with each other forever. There was no such thing as divorce. I honestly felt that losing her brought us closer together. After she died everything happened so fast, like a blur. I cant even remember if he ever spoke of Genesis. I remember I wanted a memorial tattoo and he wouldn't let me get one. I think that was the gist of speaking her name to me. Then we started trying for our rainbow. As my story states (in the 'Genesis & My Story tab') a week after I got the positive pregnancy test he was gone. No explanation, just gone never to look back. That's when he turned into the deadbeat jerk (and I'm being kind with my words here). So to answer the question, he became a jerk literally overnight, like a flip of a switch.
He has never met any of ourmy rainbows. After D was born I still had it in my head that he still wanted to be a part of his sons life because I thought after all, he left because of me right? Well, no. I called him to tell him our son was born. He didn't pick up. For months it was the same thing. I finally got a clue and stopped calling. When D was a yr old and I was trying to get pregnant again using my ex as a donor Ill never forget the words he said to me. "How's your son?" He was making it loud and clear he didn't want a thing to do with D. He was damn right that he was MY son. He might as well have been just a sperm donor for him too. I didnt hurt me to hear that, but it hurt me for D. D did nothing to deserve this. And why his father wanted nothing to do with him, after having so much riding on having a living child is something I will never understand. I only fear the day that my rainbows are old enough to ask me "where is my daddy..." Thinking about it just about breaks my heart.
As for the holidays. Not doing anything special. I don't celebrate any holidays so no stress for me about what to buy who. Ill just be relaxing at home and snuggling with my rainbows.
6. Do you ever think about marriage and finding love again? Sure do. Do I think it will happen? eh... Im not counting on it. Going through what I have been through has traumatized me. I feel if you cant trust your own husband who on this Earth can you trust. You think you know someone and BAM! I dont know that I can ever trust fully. Thats why I did the artificial insemination to get pregnant again. I knew that I wanted more kids. Based on my religious beliefs I can only have children with my husband or adopt. Any other form of getting pregnant would be considered immoral. So thats why I had my husband be the donor. We were still legally married. I didnt want to chance something that was so important to me, as having children, not knowing if I was ever going to get married again. So thats why I did it. I knew with 2 kids that I would be less appealing to most men out there. Its "baggage" ya know. But I could live the rest of my life ok with being single. I was not ok with never having more children. But if I ever find someone worth dating I am not against it. It would take A LOT for me to get married again. Like 10 years being engaged...maybe longer. I dont know. And I get so scared because now I have my kids to think about. And there are so many perverts out there that look for single mothers to do horrible things to the kids. Im just very protective of my kids... Ill probably adopt before I get married again though.
7. Besides your beautiful rainbows, what makes you really happy? Genesis of course. Anything related to Genesis. Every time I get a card in the mail from a blm, or if a blm on fb makes something with her name on it or even if I get a wink from her, that makes me really happy. But aside from my kids...Id have to say photography. As many of you have seen on my facebook page... I love taking pictures. Especially of sunsets/sunrises. The world around us can be so beautiful. I hope to one day save enough for a nice camera and perhaps start doing maternity/newborn sessions. Those photos are such treasures and I would love to be a part of making beautiful memories for families out there.
8. What is the one thing that you really want to do/accomplish before your time on Earth ends? Well first off, didnt you get the memo? Im not dying, nope not me. Its been done before and its getting old. Ive decided Im living forever. But in case you wanted to know the answer still... Id like to one day own a home and publish my own book of poems... maybe even my memoirs lol Im told it would be a best seller ha ha!
9. If given all the money in the world, what would you do with it and why? Wow... all the money in the world... considering Im broke this would be a great thing! LOL so of course I would do all the logical things like pay off debt, by a nice little house... nothing major. Help my kids and relatives out. But then Id like to really help advance the research that is going on to find a cause/cure for neural tube defects like Anencephaly. Id like to contribute to worth causes like ways to prevent stillbirth and premature births. I would help families that had no way of paying for medical treatment for their children.
10. If you could travel back in time, would you change anything, why or why not? People may think that I probably wouldn't have married my husband had I known what he was going to do. And that would be the logical response. But I dont. No only did he give me 3 gorgeous children, but he gave me a better version of me. What he put me through made me a stronger, confident, self reliant and more efficient person. I am actually a better person for having gone through it. I appreciate more things in life and Im smarter for it. I dont regret anything regarding him. What I would change if I could was for there to be a way to have all my children here living with me. But if Genesis had lived, D would not be here. The pregnancies would have overlapped. And G's future would be questionable. But I believe God has the power to give me Genesis back and one day I will have all 3 of my babies here with me living on Earth.
11. If you could have a different name, what would it be and why? Hmmm, interesting questions. I really dont mind my name. Tiffany is ok. Although I really, REALLY dont like being called "Tiff". I have no idea why... I just dont like it. It kind of comes with the territory lol So I have learn to accept it I suppose but every time some one calls me that I cringe slightly ha ha! My maiden name is Sherman. Yup, Tiffany Sherman. A very white name lol Growing up I never liked Sherman because it never gave credit to my hispanic/ latin roots. Although I am quite the mix, I do consider myself more hispanic because of how I was raised. So when I got married my last name changed to Lopez. After my divorce I decided to keep my last name for several reasons. 1. Changing it is such a pain in the butt 2. I didnt want a different last name than D and 3. Again, to give credit to my hispanic roots. I however despise my middle name. Its Ann. Tiffany Ann, sounds like such a hick name to me lol but since I dont really use my middle name for anything its all good :)
12. How did you pick your rainbow's names? Well as you have probably seen on my blog, I do not state my rainbows real names. This is for privacy reasons. But if you are a friend on facebook then you know what they are. D's name I had picked out while I was in high school. A fellow classmate had a boyfriend with this name. One day I heard her talking about him and I thought that was the most beautiful name for a boy I had ever heard. So confident and masculine, I loved it! I said if I ever have a boy thats what Im going to name him. And I did. As for G... I always knew that I wanted to incorporate Genesis name for a future daughter to have her name live on through her sister. So I needed a name that went with that. G's name just popped in my head and it flowed so nicely. Not only that but her nickname that everyone calls her by is so darn cute as well. It was just the prefect fit.
In my journey in life I have had many roles. Single woman. Then married. Then forced to be a single mom and then a single mom by choice. And now Im back to being married. I'm am a mama of 4 beautiful children. 3 I hold in my arms one I hold in my heart. 2007 was the year my life changed when my first daughter was stillborn. Little did I know my world as I knew it would never be the same.
This is a list of people regularly mentioned in my blog:
Mr. M aka Marlon~ My husband
Genesis~ My stillborn daughter
Exodus~ My daughter we lost as a chemical pregnancy
D~ My first son and rainbow #1
G~ My third daughter and rainbow #2
D2~ My second son and rainbow #3
N~ My fourth daughter and rainbow#4
Abilla~ My grandmother
What is a Rainbow Baby?
It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. Itmeans that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darknessand clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
What's a BLM?
BLM stands for Baby Lost Mama.This means that a woman has lost at least one child, weather it be a pregnancy, infant or older child loss. For more information click on the International BabyLost Mother's Day button below.
The Loss Of A Child
"A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That's how awful the loss is." ~Ronald Reagan