Saturday, October 30, 2010

There is no set time on grieving

The world outside of the BLM community does not realize this. And especially so when it comes to the death of a baby. I am constantly reminded by reading others facebook pages...which I should probably stop doing to give me a little more peace in my life...that people expect us to get over this and to do it quickly. Who made up this stupid rule?! Because 1. this is something we will NEVER be completely 100% over, EVER. and 2. mourning the loss of the future is different than mourning the loss of the past. and 3. everyone grieves differently and lastly 4. there is NO wrong way to grieve.

But I hear of people saying 6 weeks later..."oh your still not over that..." or a therapist telling a BLM 8 months after the loss of her twins "I sense that you are not over the loss of your twins..." no kidding sherlock. I dont get why people think this loss gets old after 6 weeks or 6 months or whatever. 

I mean really, think about it. When someone gets married they are a newlywed. After a year, year and a half they are still considered newlyweds. So being married is still new over a year later. Heck when I was going through my divorce... they didnt even consider it a long time until you hit 10 years (in regards to spousal support). So 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 9 years is a short time to be married compared to the rest of your life that this marriage is supposed to last right? So why on Earth would you think that the pain, and trauma and sadness of losing a baby wouldn't still be new or wouldn't still hurt and be all these things 1 year later? or 5 years later? or 20 years later? and then of course for the rest of your life? why? where is the reasoning in that?


croleyc69 said...

Great post !!
It is true , no set time and there are different things that set me off. It will never go away.


michelle hs said...

i love reading your thoughts here! i think you have wisdom beyond your years. thank you for helping me feel more 'normal' in my grief. losing a baby is so hard, but then there are all the other hardships that you don't expect - like no support and marriage's all just so very hard.

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