Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Its better that she died when she did

This was implied by my own mother a few days ago. She said "at least I didnt have time to bond with her and really fall in love". I cant tell you what a stab in the heart those words were and how mad they made me. I promptly replied that I loved her the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test... no, actually I loved her and wanted her even before that when we were ttc. And I can honestly say that I love her as much as I love my rainbows. No doubt about it. 

My moms reasoning was that the longer a child is here, the more you love it. Nope. I have to say I disagree. D has been here longer than G and do I love him more than his sister? Nope. My heart already bonded with Genesis long ago. Even before I knew she was a girl, even before I even knew she was there. This bond is for life. Beyond life even. And its the same exact bond I have with my living children. So for her to say or imply that was utterly ridiculous. 


I also made it clear to her that a childs death is the worst thing a parent can ever live though, if you call this really living, no matter what age the child is. But I have always reasoned that if a child lived for some time at least you have memories and photos and most of the time you got to know them a little better, like what eye color they had or what their voice sounded like. If they were old enough, maybe you got to hear "I love you" a few times. But I got nothing. Ill never know or hear these things. And I only have 1 photo of her and a piece of paper with her footprints and a blanket she was wrapped in.

The difference isnt love, but what is left to hold on to when they are gone. 

8 comments:

Antoinette said...

O--------M---------G

Huge hugs today cause that pissed me off and i can only imagine how hurt you are by that. there is NEVER a time when a baby dying is good..period...that is unfortunately how people think. "those" were not words of comfort and i wished she kept them to herself. 3 years later did she think it would sting less? i doubt that and I DOUBT that you love D more than GiGi and I strongly KNOW how much you love ALL of your babies....im so sorry Tiffany as much as 'sorry' seems like nothing as much as sorry is meaningless after 3 years..i really am..you didnt need to hear that from anyone, let alone your mom =**(

Trena said...

Yep, I've heard that too and it pisses me off! My mom's boyfriend lost his son a year ago to an accidental overdose and him and my husband were talking last weekend while we were over there and he had the nerve to say, "Well, at least you didn't have your sons for longer, I lost my son after 25 years, imagine how hard that is." Quite honestly, it took everything my husband had not to knock him out. People have nerve, let me tell you. ((huge hugs)) ♥ in one ear and out the other...don't even keep what she said in your mind or heart. You know how you feel, it sucks that others can say such ignorant things (especially when it's family) but you are strong and your love for Genesis is strong ♥ Much love to you mama!

Holly said...

That is so not true. It doesn't matter. You love them from the start. At least I (& you) do.

Jaydens mommy said...

Oh Tiffany, I am so sorry that anyone let alone your mom would say those words. They sting immensely and that knife feels like it cuts thrgh whatever ounce you have left inside. It doesn't matter how long a chld was with us, the pain isn't lessened by an earlier loss. And like you said, there is many things about our babies we will never know until we meet them again. I have no doubt of the love you have for your little rainbows as it shows in everything you do. You are a wonderful mother, and yes we love them from the start. <3 to you

Franchesca said...

This upsets me to no end, seriously. Many people trivialize our losses because of the short time they were here. I'm to the point where I just don't bring her up as much, it makes me sad to even admit it but people's reactions or comments are just hurtful and I've had it most days. :(

We are with you.

XO

Lisette said...

This angers me so much because I have been told something similar to this. What is wrong with people? My mom didn't understand why I wanted pictures of Sami at first, she said it would just make it that much harder for me to move on, WTF? I was so hurt, I didn't talk to her for days. She did say she was sorry and that she just didn't understand what I was going through. It took me almost 10 months for me to give her a photo of her and only because she asked me for one.
I am like you, I love my little one's from the moment I see that positive sign. So sorry that she told you this. ((HUGS))

Maggie said...

I'm sorry you had to hear that. Yes, I agree with everyone else. You love your babies the minute you know about them. XO

Tiffany said...

Yep, I've heard that too and it pisses me off! My mom's boyfriend lost his son a year ago to an accidental overdose and him and my husband were talking last weekend while we were over there and he had the nerve to say, "Well, at least you didn't have your sons for longer, I lost my son after 25 years, imagine how hard that is." Quite honestly, it took everything my husband had not to knock him out. People have nerve, let me tell you. ((huge hugs)) ♥ in one ear and out the other...don't even keep what she said in your mind or heart. You know how you feel, it sucks that others can say such ignorant things (especially when it's family) but you are strong and your love for Genesis is strong ♥ Much love to you mama!

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