Thursday, October 28, 2010

Garden Dedication

The dedication was beautiful and it wasnt what I expected, and then again, it kind of was. As I was getting the kids packed in the car this was the first thing I noticed. Dandelions are a new thing that remind me of Genesis. It started when this blog was being designed and I just had to incorporate it. So This made me feel good right at the start of things. Everything was ok until I started getting closer to the hospital. I felt the nerves and anxiety kicking in. I am really anxious about crying in public. I hate it. I mean HATE it with a passion. I dont like people feeling sorry for me or brining any attention to myself. And I especially hate looking like crap after Ive been crying with my red face. So knowing that this was probably going to happen I was just nervous about it. 

I get there and the kids and I get a ride from the car to the entrance of the hospital in a golf cart. D had such a great time. So that was a plus that the ride put him in a good mood. I didnt know how many people would show up to this. I thought maybe myself and a few people. I even thought perhaps I may be the only one there. Its just I get so used to not having support that I have little to no expectations. We get there about 5 minutes before its supposed to start and they were handing out programs. They were so lovely. Here are a few photos:

As soon as they handed these beautiful programs out I felt my throat getting tight and felt the tears starting to build up. There were already about 5 people in the chapel and a couple were already crying. As soon as I sat down I had to start wiping the tears. Of course D saw this as his cue to start getting feisty. 

There was a beautiful flower arrangement on a table before us. I couldn't help but think that this arrangement was the size of a child's casket. I hate to think such terrible thoughts but thats what I thought of. I was able to compose myself just as the ceremony started. The room was packed with about 30 people or so. And of course D decided thats when he wanted to throw a fit. So we got up and waited in the hall as I didnt want to ruin this beautiful dedication for the others. I was able to hear a few words that were spoken here and there. One lady went up before the group and shared her story. I wasnt able to hear it though, and I suppose it was a good thing because otherwise I seriously would have been a uncontrollable crying mess. I felt completely under dressed. I showed up in cargo pants, flip flops and a t-shirt and everyone else there was in a shirt and tie and very nice clothing. I seriously had no idea it was going to be so formal. We were going to be planing flowers after all. But the important thing is that we were all there for the same cause.

So D was playing out in the hall with a man that befriended him very quickly. There were these beautiful stained glass windows and D was showing this man all the colors. It was so cute to watch and it had all the people standing in the hallway (because not everyone fit in the room) smiling. It kind of lightened the mood but not in a disrespectful (towards the ceremony) kind of way. Then a woman sang the most beautiful song during the ceremony. Being that I was outside, I didnt see who it was, know what song it was or even hear most of the words. But it was beautiful and gave me the chills to hear. I could feel the warmth and love in her heart. 

They had a table full of goodies. From breads and little cakes and muffins and coffee. It smelled so good... just like you would expect the holidays to smell. The table was set so beautifully, complete with orange, red and golden leaves. And baskets of gourds and pumpkins. Just beautiful. I love fall.
So moving on, there was a shelf outside the chapel with brochures on coping with loss. All sorts of loss. I am happy to say that they even had a brochure on the death of a baby which sadly seems to be overlooked a lot of the time. I had a chance to look through it briefly and found it very well put together. 

Then the dedication moved out from the chapel and outside where the garden was. I saw that beautiful statue and waterfall again. It was so very peaceful there. 

Everyone gathered around the statue and waterfall and read from the program in unison. I was too busy wrestling D to share in it or even really see what was being said, but it was beautiful. 

As you can see all sorts of people were here at the ceremony. Young, old, women and yes even men. The hospital staff was there as well. The two ladies that I had been in contact with before were both there as well. It really was touching. Speaking of those ladies... they are the head of the perinatal loss department and I had previously donated my memory box to them. Today I was able to drop off a stack of Faces Of Loss, Faces Of Hope post cards for them to include in the memorial boxes and grief packets for bereaved parents. Im so glad to have had a small part in helping families in the future. 
What I found touching was that people actually wore the butterflies that were handed out on the program on their shirts during the ceremony. Im not sure if you can see in this photo to the left, but there you can see people doing just that. 
After the dedication was done, we all went to a book they had there. A memory book where you could write down the name of your baby.
Genesis was the 3rd name in the book. Sadly by the end of the ceremony, there were 3 pages full of names.
Then we went over to these wooden troughs that were filled with soil. We were given tulip bulbs to plant in memory of our children.

Genesis' bulb is the 3rd one <3

They even gave us bulbs to take home and plant in our own garden

Overall the dedication was beautiful. The staff (pictured) was so loving and cried just as much as the parents did. These people were a part of that baby/child's life for a brief moment in time and losing them hurts them too. Im thankful to have such caring people to work with in regards to providing more support for parents that have yet to travel this horrible path.

Also as I was wandering through the hallways of the hospital I came across the most beautiful hallway that I had actually seen before but had forgotten about. It has such a special meaning to me now since I have my rainbows. Here are the pictures. Enjoy!


Life Without You said...

Oh tiff this is so beautiful is will be one place i will have to go visit when i go down to cali..Your amazing mommy

Courtney said...

What a beautiful ceremony. Thank you for sharing it with all of us.

Marissa Marie. said...

Wow! I wish I can do something like this. Kind of inspired me to plant a beautiful flower in our backyard for Jr. :) This looks amazing.

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