Tuesday, October 12, 2010


I spend a good part of the day redoing the office. Ive been wanting to organize and set up specific places to do my personal work, my doula work and all my BLM projects. While going through things I found this:Photobucket
In case you cant read what it says here is what it says: 

"This certificate is presented to {my name, my husbands name & my moms name} On completion of the prepared childbirth education program. Date March 10th 2007 and directors name"

My husband and I, and of course my mom, did the childbirth class together. And a bit early if I do say so myself. The reason for that is that at the time, my husband and I had very, very full work schedules and this was the only weekend class that was at my hospital before my July 29th due date and we wanted to make sure that we attended this class. 

Did you see the date on this? It was a mere 6 days before Genesis was stillborn. Finding this just brought me back there. Back to the class where my belly was the smallest one and I couldn't wait to be as big as the other bellies. Where we were looking to the future with such hope and excitement. When there was so much love between my husband and I and such joy from my mom who was waiting for her first grandchild to be born.

They didnt teach me what to do if my baby died. They didnt teach me that my baby could and would die. They didnt tell me the things I may want to do with my baby to make memories in one hospital stay that was supposed to last me a lifetime. And sadly my belly would get no bigger, not in that pregnancy at least. There was no future for that baby, for Genesis, only planning her burial. The love my husband and I had would dry up only months later. And my baby would no longer count to the rest of the world as the first grandchild. 


butterflymom said...

Oh, Tiffany....I am so sorry for all of the memories that this certificate brought on. It's so typical to find one thing that just sends you into a world of hurt. Hoping for better days ahead... take care of yourself. ((hugs))

Christy said...

It is so hard to find those things. I remember when I got back to school the next summer to get ready for the school year-everyone told me they had gone through my room and gotten rid of everything. I open the first drawer-a book about twins. SEcond drawer-a certificate that said I was expecting twins. Bookmarked on my computer-twin sites, baby center, etc.
To-do lists. Emails. It's so, so hard. My pregnancy was so short but I had so much to remind me. I wish I could only remember the good stuff.
Thinking of you

Antoinette said...

*tears* Alyssa passed 4 days after my 2nd to last lamaze class. ironically we were ahead of schedule so that last class taught us about the day of birth and epidurals etc....this picture just brought me back there too....im so sorry you didnt get to see your belly big with her...its never fair ((hugs))

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