Saturday, September 11, 2010

How the world sees a BLM

Many things change after your child dies. One is how you view things. Its like you have a new set of glasses on that you cant ever take off. You will never see things the way you once saw them. I have done things, said things, been places, seen things before Genesis that just dont mean the same or look the same as before she died. 

For example... tonight I was watching the movie Tarzan with my rainbows. In the beginning of the movie a mama ape, Kala, loses her baby. Sabor, the jaguar, killed her baby. The movie briefly shows Kala sad and upset, not so much the dad, Kerchak. They never even mention this lost baby's name. Kerchak only speaks of the baby once saying "It will never replace the one we lost" referring to Tarzan. And with that the baby is never mentioned again nor are there anymore scenes that show this mother is still in mourning.

That is what the world expects of us. They even put it in a Disney movie. Sure... it makes for a good movie, and in the end they all live happily ever after and when you leave the movie theatre or when you are done watching the movie do you think its made the audience think once of the baby that died? nope. That is exactly what people expect of us. And that is just plane ridiculous. Our lives are not a movie, there is no happily ever after. No matter how many rainbows we may have or how many "good" things may happen to us in life, we will NOT have that happily ever after. Ever. Our lives are forever change, forever missing a literal piece of ourselves. 

If someone you knew had to have a leg amputated for whatever reason would you expect that person to forget about it? would you expect them to live and do the things the way they did before? would you pretend they never had a leg in the first place? would you tell them that a prosthetic leg would replace what was lost? if they speak of how they lost their leg or anything related to it would you ignore it? change the subject, pretend it didnt happen? Then why on Earth would people expect such unreasonable things from a BLM? And would you do or say things to make life more difficult and painful for a person like this? Of course not, you would feel like they deserve a break and life should be made easier for them just so everyday wouldn't be a struggle. So then why is BLM the exception? I would have much rather lost a leg than my daughter. But I wasn't given that option. None of us were. So why should I be treated different because you can't see my injury?

12 comments:

Amber Roseberry said...

I've been feeling like this alot lately. Alot of my "friends" don't even speak to me anymore because I've changed. I'll never be the person I was before b/c part of me is forever missing.

Antoinette said...

EXACTLY!!!!! i dont even have to say another word...all im saying is DITTO!!

Sophie said...

I've used the lost limb analogy as well. You summed it up exactly. xx

Dana said...

Oh this is so true.

Holly said...

So true! And I'm at least glad they put that line in the Disney move that it will never replace the one lost b/c that is true!!

butterflymom said...

What a great analogy....I really appreciate you writing this post. I feel this way all the time. Thanks for posting, Tiffany.

Wyatt's Mommie said...

I have so much to say in response to this post, so I will number them.. LOL
1. I think family and friends try to understnad, but it is something that they will never get until it happens to them.
2. The outside world tends to like to block everything "bad" out.
3. It amazes me that people can be so heartless, and think the life can be "replaced".
4. Those individuals who think it is better to not say anything to a BLM, you are mistaken. How hard is it to simply say "I am sorry for your loss". At least acknowledge the pain we are going through.
5. NO! THE PAIN NEVER GOES AWAY, AND TIME DOES NOT LESSEN THE PAIN.

Sorry, I wanted to get all this out since your post made me think about how I have been treated since returning to work.

Michelle said...

LOVE IT!!!The analogy that is. One baby loss mom related it to cutting off her arm and people responding, "well at least you still have your other arm." When referring to the previous children she still has. Who's gonna say that to an amputee? So don't say it to a BLM. I will def. use this analogy when explaining to a non-blm what we go thorough, Thanks so much for this post!

Tiffany said...

LOVE IT!!!The analogy that is. One baby loss mom related it to cutting off her arm and people responding, "well at least you still have your other arm." When referring to the previous children she still has. Who's gonna say that to an amputee? So don't say it to a BLM. I will def. use this analogy when explaining to a non-blm what we go thorough, Thanks so much for this post!

Tiffany said...

What a great analogy....I really appreciate you writing this post. I feel this way all the time. Thanks for posting, Tiffany.

Tiffany said...

Oh this is so true.

Tiffany said...

EXACTLY!!!!! i dont even have to say another word...all im saying is DITTO!!

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