Saturday, September 25, 2010

The connection to a celebrity & "OH HELL NO"

My last post on Rev Run and the loss of their daughter reminded me of the connection I have with their documented loss. She died Sep 2006. I had just turned 23 and my husband and I were talking about starting a family soon. Though the first time I heard of their show or seen the episode of their child's loss was in May of 2007. It was nearly 3 months after Genesis died and we had been ttc again. We went away for a weekend to celebrate our wedding anniversary. I would either find out if we were going to have a rainbow on that trip or be disappointed that I wasnt pregnant. Well, I was very disappointed when aunt flow visited me on that trip. As I was watching TV in the hotel room I saw the episode air. It brought back everything I felt the moment Genesis died. I was so depressed that weekend. The next time I saw that same episode air, and you know I just had to watch it again, I was 9 months prego with my first rainbow and it was Genesis' 1 year angelversary. Since then I had always felt a connection to Justine & Victoria. 

But then I found this article and I have to say I just dont connect with her like I thought I did. She said some pretty offensive (at least to me) statements. Like "Women need to know you only need to mourn quickly. Dont try to think of [the baby's] eyes. It doesnt sound nice, but it will help in the long run." and "We dont have pictures [of Victoria Anne]. We dont look back. We dont want the walls of our home to start crying, and everything, to just crumble around us." and last but not least "Ive always wanted to adopt, and now my husband is with me. We're doing the paperwork now and praying that God gives us the right baby girl. We celebrate life."

Im not really sure where to start with that. First every BLM is different but I have to tell you, the majority of BLMs that I meet need and want to speak of their child. Its part of the grieving process. And to say that we need to do it quick is insulting. I know that personally speaking, I will mourn the loss of Genesis for the rest of my entire life. period. I know many BLMs will agree with me. And I think its very hurtful for someone in the public eye to make a statement like this. It only adds to the taboo nature of child loss. I think its sad that they dont have pictures. I know many BLM who dont have pictures (I only have 1 photo of Genesis) because they didnt think to take them or whatever the circumstances, but it seems like they chose not to have any pictures. I think thats just plane sad. Why wouldn't you want to look back at the beautiful little child you and your husband and God made with love? Are you not thankful that your child was in your life no matter how short? And her last statement is the one that really gets me. Specifically "praying that God give us the right baby girl." Was Victoria not the right baby girl for them because she died? I just found this to be so insulting not only to me but to their poor daughter. And then to top it off she says "we celebrate life." Well their daughter was not stillborn, she was alive no matter for how short. She was alive. Why didnt they/ dont they celebrate that? Celebrate it with photos & with speaking of her... I dont get it.

I understand the adoption thing, I even wrote a post about that. But they are acting like their adopted daughter replaced the one that died and thats not right. This is adding fuel to those people out there that say "Dont worry you will have another one." Uggg... so frustrated with her words.


Lucid Anne said...

That makes me so fucking mad (pardon my bad language, I'm pissed). Especially for someone in the spotlight to broadcast that kind of thought. It is just unbelievable! I know everyone grieves differently but to just FORGET about that child is going to cause her some serious mental issues; I'm positive any therapist would agree.

olivia said...

sorry, but why do you care how she handles her loss? and why would it be insulting to you? she's not sticking a gun to your head and forcing you to do what she says. why are you taking this so personally? is it because they are famous? obviously, that's the way she's going to deal with it.

Lucid Anne said...

Olivia, have you lost a child? Just curious. And also doubtful that you will 1- reply, 2- say no, even if you haven't. Just a hunch.

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