Once again me bringing up Genesis was ignored today. My relative was talking about giving birth and how much her previous children weighed. And she asked the question "I wonder if women with preemies feel the urge to push even though the baby's don't weigh as much... And I wonder if labor hurts the same." Well she didn't expect me to answer. Although Genesis was stillborn due to Anencephaly and not being premature, she in fact was premature, born at nearly 21 weeks.
I told her my account of genesis birth. Yes I was induced and yes I went through actual labor. And yea it hurt just as much as when I gave birth to my rainbows. Pushing was obviously different but I did feel the urge to push still. After I gave my account of my experience she said "well thats not what Im talking about. I mean real preemies." Then she stopped talking all together and the subject was not brought up again.
Then she brought up that my mom used to make blankets for all the babies in the family. My mom replied that she had not made one in the longest time. The last one she made was actually for Genesis. They insisted that no, that one was in fact for D. But I promptly reminded them that it was given to me after I finished my lamaze class and because we didn't know the gender of the baby at that time she just put "baby" on the blanket. (I got the news my baby would not live about 3 weeks later) My mom and sister finally remembered that it was in fact Genesis' blanket and then everyone got all hush hush. And then the subject was changed once again.
I also wanted to share that I tried talking to my relative about my grief about a year ago. It was via text message. She replied with "I too lost a daughter." she was referring to her miscarriage at 5 weeks that "she didn't care about." I was beyond insulted. I don't know what it's like to have a miscarriage thankfully but likewise she doesn't have a clue as to what it's like to have a stillborn child. My child wasn't a miscarriage. I don't say Genesis was a girl because I felt she was a girl, it was because she had a vagina! There was no way my relative could have ever known what gender her child was. Even a hunch is just that, a hunch. I guess I'm feeling bitter... Or I don't know what word to even use. The two are not the same and I would say that a miscarriage is painful from what I have heard, but when taking my relatives feelings to mind about it, I would have to say that it's not, at least for her. Her "I don't even care or think about it" is not the same as my stillborn, perfectly formed daughter that I grieve everyday of my life. She did not have to hold her child's lifeless and cold body in her arms. I did. She did not have to make funeral arrangements for her child. I did. She doesn't even grieve the child she lost, I did, do and will for the rest of my life. And to say she can relate is beyond insulting.