Im sure Im not the only BLM with random thoughts. Thoughts that I sometimes feel guilty for thinking about. Ill show you what I mean. Every once in a while I will daydream about adopting a little girl. A little girl that happened to be born around the time Genesis was. So that I can feel like I was supposed to feel being the mother of 3 kids. It makes me feel bad that I think this every once in a while. Because its not that Im trying to replace Genesis. She is irreplaceable. But its more like Im trying to get as close as I can as to what life was supposed to be like. Ya know?
Ive also seen those reborn babies that look so lifelike. They are beautiful dolls and I know that some mamas have them. Im happy for them that they find some peace with them. But then I question if its for me. Is it weird? will I be judged? I mean... Im a grown woman and I want/need a doll? As you can see I have mixed emotions. I think part of me would feel getting a doll like this would be kind of healing but then I step back and I think it may be kind of crazy... I dont know. I told you I had mixed feelings. And I dont judge others who have one... Im just more judgmental when it comes to myself. I already get a lot of grief from everyone else all I need is to do something else for them to be on top of me about.
But Id like to know what your thoughts are on either one of these topics... adoption of a child the same age that your lost baby would be today and the reborn dolls. Do you play around with these ideas or others? Or am I just crazy for having these thoughts pop in my head? I cant be the only one.