Saturday, August 28, 2010

Random Thoughts

Im sure Im not the only BLM with random thoughts. Thoughts that I sometimes feel guilty for thinking about. Ill show you what I mean. Every once in a while I will daydream about adopting a little girl. A little girl that happened to be born around the time Genesis was. So that I can feel like I was supposed to feel being the mother of 3 kids. It makes me feel bad that I think this every once in a while. Because its not that Im trying to replace Genesis. She is irreplaceable. But its more like Im trying to get as close as I can as to what life was supposed to be like. Ya know?


Ive also seen those reborn babies that look so lifelike. They are beautiful dolls and I know that some mamas have them. Im happy for them that they find some peace with them. But then I question if its for me. Is it weird? will I be judged? I mean... Im a grown woman and I want/need a doll? As you can see I have mixed emotions. I think part of me would feel getting a doll like this would be kind of healing but then I step back and I think it may be kind of crazy... I dont know. I told you I had mixed feelings. And I dont judge others who have one... Im just more judgmental when it comes to myself. I already get a lot of grief from everyone else all I need is to do something else for them to be on top of me about. 


But Id like to know what your thoughts are on either one of these topics... adoption of a child the same age that your lost baby would be today and the reborn dolls. Do you play around with these ideas or others? Or am I just crazy for having these thoughts pop in my head? I cant be the only one.

3 comments:

brigette said...

You are not alone for sure!! My husband and I often talk about adopting a little one around the same age... its only normal right that we want our lives to be somewhat normal again. I know for sure you are not the only one with random thoughts. I do this very often not always about the same things but random off the wall things.. You are great and a very strong woman! I look up to you!

Kalialani said...

Nothing you said is weird. As far as adopting I don't think I could adopt until I've had my own children, maybe that sounds selfish but that's just how I feel, plus I'd rather adopt when my family life is stable as far as getting a big enough house, more money etc. As far as the reborn dolls go, WOW I took a look at the website and honestly *whispering* I'd want one too...BY THE WAY! Did you see Genesis' name in their website?? (when she said "Genesis heat set paints")...maybe that's a SIGN! :D God, I REALLY want one until I have my own earth baby but honestly I'd be looked at like I was CRAZY...I don't know what I'd do with it...I'd feel weird to "take care of it" while people were around me...even my boyfriend...if I was still in high school I'd have that excuse that I was doing that baby project but I don't know what I'd say now. :/ If we BOTH got one I wouldn't feel bad lol ok I'm continuing to look at their website and WOW these babies are RIDICULOUSLY realistic! I'm impressed! ...OK I think that's all I have to say for now I'm going to text you instead! :)

Holly said...

I don't think there's anything wrong with either one!

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