Friday, August 27, 2010

A nice chat

Yesterday I had a nice chat with an old friend. And when I say old friend I mean we go way back. Like 3rd grade back. And I was just filling him in on my traumatic last few years. He is not part of the babylost community, thank goodness, and so I thought that talking to him about Genesis would be just like I had talked to everyone else. You BLMs know what Im talking about. You are shot down or ignored, subject changed or mocked or looked at oddly for wanting to remember your child. Well not this time.

He listened. I mean really listened. He asked questions that showed he was genuinely interested. He agreed that baby loss is considered taboo and had no idea why. He even recognized why its easier for other people to ignore it than to acknowledge it and how ridiculous it is that outside people want the easy way out when it comes to our grief and it has nothing to do with them. And the way they act causes us twice the pain. He understood the need for us BLMs to speak about our children. There is a quote that I love that says "When a baby is born, it's the mothers instinct to protect that baby. When a baby dies, it's the mothers instinct to protect their memory." Its so true, because that is all we have left. So I was so touched that someone was actually listening to me and he understood. Well, he understood as much as someone could who has not had such a loss. And for that I was touched and thankful that I could share Genesis' story with yet another person. And I was more impressed with the fact that he is a man and still understood and listened. Not that men dont or cant do that. Its just when there is a pregnancy or infant loss it is different for men than for women. I know in my case I was the only one that really bonded with the baby. I was the one who felt her kick. I would talk to her, rub my belly, bond during ultrasounds. Its just different for men. They didnt get the same experience we did. Im not saying the pain is less for them... just saying its different. So to have a person who has not experienced this and this person happens to be a man really meant a lot to me. Im glad at least one more person out there acknowledges that I have 3 children. And I usually dont like to name people by name here, but I will give kudos where kudos are deserved... so thank you Greg :)


Antoinette said...

AHhh I was wondering if it was 'greg' too...he seems very nice to you and that is SOOO important when you are in this damn journey....I am really glad you were able to talk about her without feeling like you were clearing a room...xoxo <3 Genesis <3 also, I love love the quote and im going to put it in our BLM group because THAT is exactly what we do...we protect their memory...its a beautiful memory for us with a tragic ending, but their lives DO MATTER...xoxo shout out to Greg!!

Wyatt's Mommie said...

It is so nice to you that there are still GOOD understanding people out there.

Kalialani said...

WOW! I am truly touched by his kindness and understanding too! I was just gonna say that especially for a man that was amazing! ;) (not that I'm sexist lol but you know...) and I love that quote too so I'm going to steal it if ya don't mind!

Love you Tiffany and Genesis!

brigette said...

What a great guy to sit and listed!! Amazing you and Genesis both deserve that!

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