Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It always comes back to her

I have had a pretty drama filled evening that I'd rather not go into detail about but I just got hurt very bad, emotionally, by a family member. It had nothing to do with Genesis...just family drama. But somehow by the end of it I was talking about Genesis.


It seems any time I get hurt or something makes me cry, no matter what it is, it always goes back to Genesis. Its like, haven't I been through enough pain and now all these other things add to it. Of course losing your child makes everything else seem like nothing but it still hurts. Its still emotionally draining and not to mention stressful. 


So why is that? Why is it that it always goes back to her? Is it because I live with the pain every single day of my life and when something hurts me its so close to the surface that it comes out? Is that it? Or is it when something else makes me cry it reminds me of the time in my life that I have cried the most? Or maybe Im trying to play the sympathy card? What is it? Does anyone else go through this or am I just an emotional mess?


I just feel awful. I have what Ann would call a cry hangover and I know its going to be worse tomorrow. I hope I dont wake up with a migraine. Sigh... I wish I had the power to change everything. I know we all do.

2 comments:

Trisha said...

Yes, for me everything that hurts goes back to Trent. I had a woman yelling at me at work last week. She was yelling awful awful hateful things...because the soup kitchen I am the director of didn't serve lunch and she was hungry RIGHT THEN!! Of course had she shut up long enough to listen I (me, the white bitch) would have told her that we have sack lunches we can give out. But, as I sat back down at my desk I thought "She doesn't know anything about me. She just called me a bitch 15 times and knows nothing about me. Would it have changed had she known my son died? Would she have been nicer?" I think you are right...it is because we live with the pain every single day.

Tiffany said...

Yes, for me everything that hurts goes back to Trent. I had a woman yelling at me at work last week. She was yelling awful awful hateful things...because the soup kitchen I am the director of didn't serve lunch and she was hungry RIGHT THEN!! Of course had she shut up long enough to listen I (me, the white bitch) would have told her that we have sack lunches we can give out. But, as I sat back down at my desk I thought "She doesn't know anything about me. She just called me a bitch 15 times and knows nothing about me. Would it have changed had she known my son died? Would she have been nicer?" I think you are right...it is because we live with the pain every single day.

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