Thursday, August 19, 2010

Day of Hope

Today is August 19th. The Day of Hope. If you have not already read what this day is about click here. I have my memory box all ready to go to drop off at the hospital. Ive been seeing all the photos and updates of all my BLM friends on facebook and some are donating as many as 11 boxes! Im thankful that they are so generous to families in need, but then I look at my 1 very simple box and feel that its not enough. I know that quantity shouldn't matter but it still gets to me a little. I wanted to donate more but plain and simple, Im not able to right now. Im a single mom and right there you should know that my income is limited and I must make my dollar stretch. Add to that, that I am still on UNPAID maternity leave. So I am stretching money like you wouldn't believe. At least it will make a difference in the lives of one family who really needs it.

On another note, I wont be able to drop off my donation today because of my schedule. I have homework and school and the kids and its just more than I can do today. But the plan is to drop it off tomorrow after Ive finished my homework. I also have a confession to make. Im really nervous about dropping off the box. Yes, it will be at the same hospital Genesis was born at, but that's not it. Ive been there twice since then to have my two rainbows. The thing is.....Im scared of crying. There, I said it. Actually Im scared of not being able to control myself and be a blubbering mess to the wonderful staff they have there. I want to be able to take a photo and smile and show how genuinely happy I am to be making a donation in Genesis' name, but I know myself. I know that as soon as I see the babies in the NICU, because thats there the perinatal loss department is at, or a soon as we start talking about stillbirth and loss I will be a mess. Im not afraid to talk about it. I want to talk about today's theme supports that. I just dont want to cry. I really hate having people see me cry. Then they feel sorry for me and try to make it better and it only makes me cry harder. Dont worry though, Im going to swallow my pride and still make the donation and take photos. And if I do cry, oh well. They understand and they will know that through the tears I am not afraid to speak of pregnancy & infant loss or of my baby Genesis.


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