Thursday, April 14, 2016

It happened

A friend announced her pregnancy... And it's a girl. So this is my first girl pregnancy announcement since having N. I honestly didn't know how I would react to girl pregnancy announcements now that I have two daughters. Surprisingly it still sort of made my heart flutter... I sort of hurt a little bit. But nothing like before. But the fact that it still hurt surprised me. Will it change over time? Who knows... 

Friday, March 18, 2016

The winks continue

The day after her birthday a friend saw this: 
We also went to universal studios and I saw this:
And one of my lovely BLM friends was randomly on Instagram and found this:
Amazing! 

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

More winks

I saw two hearts today.


And my sister was sitting in traffic and saw this and texted me this photo:
She is very near right now.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

She's here

Genesis has been giving me a TON of signs lately. More than usual. And Exodus too! 

A couple days ago I saw this pop up on my Instagram feed.
A random person who got s tattoo from a person I follow on Instagram. They got the initials "G" and "E". What are the odds? 

Last night while driving my car I noticed some smudges on the window. This wouldn't have been unusual if it were in the backseat as the kids draw on the windows all the time. But this was on the windshield on the drivers side. My husband happened to be driving and I asked him if he did that. He said no. I know I didn't do it. The kids do not come up to the front so I have no idea how it got there. Ok so here is why it caught my attention. Among the scribbles I noticed letters. The more I looked at it the more letters stood out to me. I took a photo of it but it wasn't a great picture since it was at night and the car was moving. But here is the photo and what I see.
I felt like maybe I was making myself see it. Or was I going crazy or something?? But then others said they say what I saw (I asked online). I also happened to tag a friend on the post to see if he could see it but then thought I was bothering him so I took the tag off. He later messaged me saying he did see the post. He had just gone outside to get his morning paper and saw this.
He knew this was a sign for me. He had to show me. My jaw was on the floor. Also at the time he messaged me I was actually driving... Pulling up to my home to be exact. And I was listening to the radio and this song was one. 
My girls are busy letting me know they are near. This is absolutely incredible. And I was able to place Genesis balloon order today as well. 

Oh and before I forget, I asked my mom if she was busy on Wednesay and she said no why. I said it was Genesis birthday and we are going to go to the park for a balloon release. She just said "oh" with nothing else and didn't even bother to acknowledge it. Sigh. 

Friday, March 11, 2016

A wink from another daughter

I was out yesterday and saw this. It totally reminded me of Exodus.
D was with me too and he said it before I did.

Something Special

The other day I got a package in the mail from one of my lovely BLM friends. 
Here is a close up of who it was addressed to:
I believe this is the first piece of mail addressed to Genesis De Leon. Since my older two rainbows were adopted last year their last name changed to De Leon. I've always said if Genesis were here that would be her last name now too. And to see this and to know someone remembered really moved me. 

So this BLM sent the sweetest card along with the neatest gift in honor of Genesis 9th birthday. 

Here is a photo of the ornament in light:
You should see it moving in the sunlight. It's amazing!!! I love it so much when others remember her. 

Oh and I just placed Genesis flower order today but still need to order her balloons. My goodness, this birthday came up fast.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Goodbye old friend, go play with Genesis

This post is a bit overdue. Back on 1/18/2016 my dog Sushi was put to sleep. I noticed he wasn't acting like himself and he couldn't even walk. I took him to the vet and after a few days of tests and observation they told me he had advanced kidney disease as well as a heart murmur. I had always known about the murmur and it was never an issue. He stopped eating and even with medication and a special diet if he wouldn't eat there was nothing I could do to save him. 

I had Sushi for 13 years. I got him when he was just a puppy. Here is the day I got him.
They told me due to his advance age even with the best of care he probably didn't have long anyway. It was a heartbreaking decision to have made. Sushi was my first child. I had him before I even got married. He even attended my first wedding.
This guy was my everything for a good while. I even bought him little shirts and jackets. Yes I was one of those dog moms. He was with me through my divorce. I remember he would sleep in bed with me when I was all alone and would bring me peace and security. He was there for me through the birth of all my kids. Even Genesis. As I had more and more kids, I obviously got so busy with kids and he dropped in my list of priorities. So he didn't get played with as much. He was no longer allowed to sleep in the bed. He didn't wear his cute outfits anymore. And for that I feel incredibly guilty. 

After we decided to put him down, we all went to say our goodbyes to him. I cried into his soft brown and white fur. I thanked him for all the years he gave me. I told him I'm sorry things changed over the years. More importantly I told him I loved him. I hugged and kissed him. My tears fell into his fur one last time. This was our last photo together. 
The tears still fall for him even as I type this right now. About a week later I got back his ashes, a paw print, a little tag with his name on it and a lock of his fur. This was all that was left of Sushi. 
So why am I posting about Sushi on Genesis blog? Well today I scattered his ashes. This was the final goodbye, I just had to do it before Genesis birthday next week. This is the last photo of Sushi along with some wild flower seeds they sent me to scatter with his ashes. 
I decided the best place to scatter his ashes was at Genesis park. I didn't want to scatter him directly in the Children's  healing and memorial garden because I thought it might be disrespectful to the children who have stones there. But I did scatter his ashes around the garden just a few feet from Genesis stone. If you recall I scattered some of her ashes at her stone a while back. Now both of them are there in this special place. Genesis and Sushi are together. I'd like to think that somewhere they are playing together as I always invisioned they would. I did however scatter the wild flower seeds at Genesis stone. Who knows, maybe I might see some wild flowers blossoming at her stone in the future. But as you can see I had to do this before her birthday next week as it would have made her birthday even harder for me. Rest in peace Sushi. I hope you know how much I love you. Please keep Genesis company. I love you. 
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