Thursday, April 10, 2014

Not the same as before

My hubby and I watched a movie the other night. I'm sure you have hear of it. Face off with nick cage and john travolta. This has been part of my movie collection for years and I had always enjoyed watching it. However this particular movie I had not watched in years. So Marlon and I thought it would be nice to watch it. 

Everything was going well until the movie actually started and then I remembered. I remembered the opening scene. Yes, the scene where the police officers son gets murdered. 
Yes. It hit too close to home. I had to look away. I did however appreciate how the caption after the intro scene says "6 years later" and here you see a father still mourning. It correctly captures how long this can affect parents. 

There were a few scenes that gave me reactions I didn't expect. Like the scene where a criminal tells the father "how's your dead son?" The cop drew his gun and wanted to shoot him. I completely related to the character.

Then when he agreed to go through with the procedure to take his face off, he asked the surgeon to put back the scar that he had from the day his son was murdered. Again I completely understood this and appreciated that this was included. 

However, at the end of the movie they take in a boy who would then become a son to them. He looked very similar to the son they lost and was about the age he was when he died. I know many a blm including myself who imagine life with our child back to get a glimpse of what life should have been like. However in this movie it was like they were replacing one child with another. So much so that they went as far as the father telling the surgeon that he didn't need the scar back after all. This only feeds into the misconception out there when people say "don't worry, you will have another one." Children do not replace children. 

This is just another movie that I feel I am seeing again for the first time through a new set of eyes.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Something odd

I'm from SoCal so earthquakes are nothing new. But ever since the quake that hit the day after Genesis birthday, I have felt like there was more to come. We were hit yesterday evening with a large quake. 5.1 just after 9pm. I still had the feeling something bigger was on its way. Since last night we have had hundreds of aftershocks. Some we felt, some we didn't. Still, I had a feeling the worst was yet to come. Just now we has another sort of large one. A 4.1. I cannot shake the feeling we are in for something even bigger. Ever since the northeidge quake of 1994 I have had a fear of big quakes. But even then I never had the feeling I have now. I can't explain it. I feel we should get emergency supplies and whatnot. 

Sunday, March 23, 2014

A special card

I am still getting love through the mail for my big girls day. A very special friend sent this:

Getting cards for her makes my heart so so happy. Thank you all who remember her. I'm so happy her memory lives on.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Even more love

I got some mall from a very special blm. Look how beautiful even the envelope was:
She put a lot of thought into it. Remembering that clovers and dragonflies reminds me of Genesis.
And of course last but not least look at this gorgeous card:
Huge dragonfly and a tree. Even this blm knew the tree signifies life. So touching. Seriously where would I be without the support of my fellow blms. Thank you all for remembering me and more importantly, remembering my sweet little one.

3/16/14~ 7 years

So here is how her 7th birthday went.

We got the kids ready for the day. Marlon picked up the balloons while I picked up the flowers. I had previously invited my mom and dad to come. My mom replied with a less than enthusiastic "well... We will see." For those of you that don't know my mom, that's a "no we aren't going." So I already knew in my heart that I didn't need to ask them again tris morning if they were going to make it or not.

Surprisingly though I got a phone call in the morning from my mom. She explained that they were not going to make it this year (like I already knew) but that she knows this day is hard on me and she wanted me to know she was thinking of me and Genesis. That simple phone call brought tears to my eyes and I thought it was pretty kind of her.

I of course wore my Genesis bracelet and did not forget to wear the "G" urn necklace I recently received. Of course by the time I took this photo I already had a few good cries, so sorry for the less than happy face.
As we were leaving I noticed a plane writing a message in the sky. I couldn't really make it out but I still thought that was pretty special.
On the way to Genesis' park D asked me the following:

D: "Mommy, what's Genesis' favorite color?"
Me: "I don't know honey."
D: "Well, you should ask her."

And then another question a little later:

D: "Does the hummingbird live with Genesis?"
Me: "I don't know baby. Maybe..."

These questions made the tears flow so much. If only it were so easy as to just ask her.

My brother and my sister and her husband and son all came with us as well. We got there and of course I took a ton of pictures to document it all.



As you can see this year I changed it up a little. Usually I get the balloons very girl with pinks and purples. This time I went with rainbow theme. I thought that was very significant since I just gave birth to a rainbow a month ago and I was bringing all 3 of my rainbows to her park this year. You can see the beautiful rainbow balloon along with the individual balloons each with a color of the rainbow. I usually get pink gerber daisies but this year I went with dahlias. I ordered peach or pink dahlias but when I picked them up they were pink with a white center. Not exactly what I pictured but still beautiful. But I don't think I'll be getting dahlias again only because they withered so quickly. And the 80 degree heat wasn't helping.


And of course the group shots:

And then it came time to write our messages on the balloons. The letters that make me cry every year.
How has it been 7 year without you? Not a day goes by that we dont think of you. I cant believe you would have been starting second grade. You now have 3 younger siblings. Im sure you are a proud big sister. And now we are a family of 6. I tell your brothers & sister all about you. They cant wait to see you one day. And since your last birthday, mommy got married. So you are Genesis Magali De Leon. I love you so much sweetheart. Ill continue to love and remember you always. Until we meet again in paradise.
Happy B-Day Genesis,
One day we will meet. I hope you had a good day. We all miss you. Keep watching over your bros & sis like the big sisterI know you are.
Love you always,
Happy Birthday Genesis!
I love you baby girl. I know you never left your beautiful mom. Please be safe. I wish we had more time with you, but you are never forgotten.
Love Always,
I love you Genesis.
I love you Genesis.
To my beautiful niece,
We love you so much and miss you. We cant wait for the day to meet you again! See you in paradise Genesis.
With Love,
Tia Crystal
Tio Jimmy
Cousin Allister
And it wasnt until the end of the day that I realized I forgot to make a balloon from D2 :(

But then came the balloon release.




As I headed back to collect our things I saw of course a wink. She sent us a hummingbird of course!
And I left her one flower and took the rest home with me.
And one of my favorite pictures of the day was this one:
Our Family
Mommy and daddy's hands along with the hands of her rainbow siblings (D, G & D2) on her stone.

I also saw that my brother posted a sweet message on Facebook as well.
When I got home I saw this on the door:
It was a card from my mom. Here are the close ups:
We Remember Our First Grand daughter Genesis

Dear Marlon, D & G,
Even though you didnt get to meet her personally, like some of us did, just the same you are affected by her not being with us today. Make room for one more though because she lives in Jehovah's memory and he has the power to bring her back.
Dear Tiffany,
We remember our little snow white Genesis and look forward to the day when her creator brings her back to life.
With much love,
Nana & Abu

This was very kind of her and I appreciated the gesture. Of course it brought tears to my eyes.
It was a nice day out remembering my girl with my family. I just still can't believe it's been 7 years. One day I will be in the double digits, and hitting decades. That is hard for me to digest. I'll just take it one year at a time.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Just like always

Another natural occurrence. Just had an earthquake this morning.
Though it didn't last long it was pretty strong. 4.7. See, told ya. In the week before and after Genesis birthday stuff like this always happens.

I will update later today on how her anniversary went.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

The night before...

It's the night before her birthday and the tears are flowing. 

I think I got a wink today too. At the hospital when I had D2, thy have those photographers in the hospital doing newborn pictures. This company's name was Bella Baby. So they sent me an email today letting me know the photos that are available online are going to expire. This is the end of that email.
Do you see what I see? Well first off, the address is just down the street from where Dr. Devore (the specialist) is at. But did you see the suite number? 316. Wow.

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